Sauerkraut for Thanksgiving: A Baltimore Tradition

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us. For those of us who are Baltimore natives preparing a Thanksgiving table means getting a Turkey, and most likely a ham as well, along with stuffing and corn and yams and all, and of course, the pièce de résistance of the true Maryland Thanksgiving repast, Polish sausage and sauerkraut.

Most non-natives will balk at the notion of including kraut as part of a turkey feast. But they are for the most part fools and their knavish opinions are clearly the product of an ill-informed and inferior worldview. After all, how is one meant to make a next-day turkey reuben if there is no leftover sauerkraut in the fridge?

At the same time though, we can understand how kraut gets a bad rap. It takes quite a bit of effort to pickle your own cabbage, and even the most precious of Etsyfied hipsters isn’t likely to have enough mason jars or patience to convert copious amounts of cabbage into shredded, fermented slaw. The process takes at least a month. Sadly the only readily available alternative to homemade is the generic, stringy, pungent canned sauerkraut on supermarket shelves, best known as (and perhaps best suited to be) a hot dog topping. ‘Gourmet’ brands in supermarkets never taste much different from the basic can.

You'll need to add more than that parsley sprig if you actually want it to taste very good.

You’ll need to add more than that parsley sprig if you actually want it to taste very good.

Much like the gelatinous, can-shaped flavorless cranberry corn syrup and citric acid blend that passes for cranberry sauce, plain kraut out of the can deserves most of the scorn people bear it. However it also has this in common with cheap cranberry sauce: you can dress it up, and if you do it right it’s actually pretty good.

So we’re going to explain how to do it here. The Chop has been a vegetarian going on 20 years now (our family does set aside some sausageless kraut at Thanksgiving, natch) but sausage and sauerkraut is a dish we still enjoy regularly, usually with Smart Sausages or something similar. We’re going to explain the carnivore version though, which is roughly the same.

First: Sear your sausages in a pan over high heat. Just a quick browning on each side. Pull them and set them aside for a bit. If you’re cooking a good quantity of sausage you may have enough fat in the pan. If not, add some bacon grease or shortening.

Second: Add some sliced onions and some peeled, diced apple chunks to the pan and turn the heat down to medium. Saute them until they’re golden brown, about 15 minutes. Near the end add a few cloves of garlic sliced thinly or minced. Once the garlic is sizzling slide everything to one side and deglaze the pan with Boh or similar beer. Alternately, you can use gin if you want juniper flavor. Allow the alcohol to burn off either way.

Third: Strain your sauerkraut. You can do this by just pushing the lid into the can. Add it to the pan along with a small amount of malt or cider vinegar. You may wish to cut the acidity with a bit of sugar as well. Add in some stock or broth. Vegetable stock works best, even in a real-sausage recipe. Stir the pan and let it heat up covered.

Fourth: Once it’s hot add in a little fresh rosemary and thyme, fennel sprigs, a few carraway seeds, a bay leaf, a pinch of allspice, a dash of nutmeg, a small amount of celery salt and some black pepper. This is a basic list. If you’re missing one or two items it’s no problem. If you want to substitute something similar that’s fine too. Add your sausage back into the pan, pile the kraut on top of it and put the lid on. Reduce the heat to low and let it simmer for 90 minutes or more. When your sausage is brown all the way through you’re ready to eat.

When done right you’ll have some big flavors mixed and muddled with several more subtle flavors that all together elevate a fifty nine cent can of sauerkraut to a height of culinary excellence beyond most people’s belief. Because this dish contains such big flavor, and because it’s all protein and vegetables it’s best to serve it with pierogi or some other type of dumpling or plain-ish potato side for a complete meal. That is, of course, if you’re not serving it in its rightful place, right next to the Thanksgiving turkey.

Posters By Alex Fine, Post Typography On View/Sale

Perhaps, unlike the Chop, you are not a cheap and selfish bastard. Perhaps you don’t just get a Christmas gift for your mom and girlfriend and call it a day. Perhaps you are generous enough to buy reasonably priced holiday gifts for some of your punk rock friends as well and will soon be in the market for same.

Or maybe you just moved into a new place and need some cool shit for your walls.

And it could even be that you’re an obsessive nerd of a record collector who can’t get enough of things like old set lists, tour t-shirts and show posters. Especially posters.

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Well you’re in luck because two of Baltimore’s preeminent artists working in the realm of punk show posters are about to open their archives of work over the last ten years and beyond.

Tonight illustrator Alex Fine comes to Gallery 788 with a collection of upwards of 200 posters. You’re likely already very familiar with Alex’s work having seen it regularly in the City Paper and the B daily among others. You may have even seen a poster or two on this blog on the days of shows we’ve written about. If you need a refresher check his portfolio available online.

Select screen prints will be available, and if you haven’t had a chance to see the new location of Gallery 788 yet tonight is an outstanding opportunity to check it out. It’s an outstanding space and the gallery’s fifth annual erotic art show will be on view concurrently.

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On Saturday, December 7 (a day that will live in infamy) the work of Fine’s Pure Junk bandmate Nolen Strals and his partner Bruce Willen will be available for show and sale at the Charles North studio of their firm Post Typography. Located at number 3 West 23rd St, the open studio will include some of Post Typography’s greatest hits poster-wise, as well as their books and some pretty choice out-of-print Double Dagger merch like vinyl and T-shirts.

The event runs from noon- 5:00 pm. Don’t be a sucker… bring cash and show up early. There’s going to be something you want here and if you fuck around and wait until 4 pm someone else is going to come in and buy it before you.

Leaked!!! The Real Inner Harbor Master Plan

There was no shortage of groans and eye rolls yesterday when the Baltimore Sun ran a story on the city’s Inner Harbor Master Plan. People are fed up with good reason. Not only has the city ignored all good sense and pressed forward with the Harbor Point TIF, now they want to build a ‘world class’ urban beach with ‘pizazz.’ (We assume pizazz is a polite term for chromium in the water.) Meanwhile we’ve got large scale retail developments within easy walking distance of the inner harbor that look like this and this.

One of those disaffected by these grandiose visions of a Potemkin village for the luxury condo set happens to be a confidential source inside the planning department at city hall. This source has reached out to the Baltimore Chop and intimated to us that the plan outlined in the Sun as ‘Inner Harbor 2.0’ is described as ‘preliminary’ and ‘provisional’ and is little more than a bait and switch to boost public support for Thomas Stosur’s and SRB’s real vision for the harbor.

Our source is not just talking out of school. ‘Inner Harbor 3.0’ plan will do away with Brutalist landmarks like the Mechanic and McKeldin Fountain entirely and replace them with a grand vision in the Googie style. Below are some of Stosur’s true renderings of his plan for the harbor, seeing the light of day for the first time exclusively here.

Design of Light St, Pratt St merger looking east.

Design of Light St, Pratt St merger looking east.

Floor plan for potential luxury condos.

Floor plan for potential luxury condos.

Luxury condos will rise high into the air, yet no one's water views will be obstructed.

Luxury condos will rise high into the air, yet no one’s water views will be obstructed.

Artist's Rendering of plans for the updated  Light Street pavilion.

Artist’s Rendering of plans for the updated Light Street pavilion.

Harbor East will remain as the city's premiere retail destination.

Harbor East will remain as the city’s premiere retail destination.

The pedestrian bridge from Pier 6 to Rash Field will actually be a two-tiered moving walkway. One level for tourists, one for bougie joggers.

The pedestrian bridge from Pier 6 to Rash Field will actually be a two-tiered moving walkway. One level for tourists, one for bougie joggers.

Television studios are planned to accommodate productions like Veep and House of Cards.

Television studios are planned to accommodate productions like Veep and House of Cards.

Boring national chain restaurants will be replaced with exciting new concept restaurants for an out-of-this-world dining experience.

Boring national chain restaurants will be replaced with exciting new dining concepts for an out-of-this-world culinary experience.

Modern individualized all-weather dog parks will appeal to the pampered pooches of Canton and Fed Hill.

Modern individualized all-weather dog parks will appeal to the pampered pooches of Canton and Fed Hill.

Casino gambling will help to re-brand Pigtown as Inner Harbor West.

Casino gambling will help to re-brand Pigtown as Inner Harbor West.

Downtown Gambling will be perfectly safe and the casinos will bustle with activity 24 hours a day.

Downtown Gambling will be perfectly safe and the casinos will bustle with activity 24 hours a day.

Pigtown will also be home to a World Class concert venue, the Hammerjacks of the future!

Pigtown will also be home to a World Class concert venue, the Hammerjacks of the future!

But the local scene won't be ignored. Instead of sending in the cops to bust DIY spaces, the city will transform Arts district clubs into classy, upscale lounges.

But the local scene won’t be ignored. Instead of sending in the cops to bust DIY spaces, the city will transform Arts district clubs into classy, upscale lounges.

It wasn't enough for Southern High School to become Digital Harbor. Under new plans it will become Digital Social Entrepreneur Founder Tech Startup High School.

It wasn’t enough for Southern High School to become Digital Harbor. Under new plans it will become Digital Social Entrepreneur Founder Tech Startup High School.

Plans also include blue collar jobs (far from the inner harbor, near the Amazon Warehouse site). Not pictured: the 40 minute red line ride to work.

Plans also include blue collar jobs (far from the inner harbor, near the Amazon Warehouse site). Not pictured: the 40 minute red line ride to work.

Despite the CCC, Red Line, etc, car ownership and traffic will remain an integral part of the Inner Harbor's future.

Despite the CCC, Red Line, etc, car ownership and traffic will remain an integral part of the Inner Harbor’s future.

After all, we depend on county people to finance much of these plans with sneaky parking taxes.

After all, we depend on county people to finance much of these plans with sneaky parking taxes.

City dwellers will finance the balance of the plan through continued use of speed cameras. Tickets will be issued in real time.

City dwellers will finance the balance of the plan through continued use of speed cameras. Tickets will be issued in real time.

Enjoy your new urban beach, Baltimore!

Enjoy your new urban beach, Baltimore!

“If you will it, it is no dream.”
-Theodor Herzl

“If you build it, they will come.
-A weird voice in a corn field

“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple and wrong.”
-H. L. Mencken

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Image credits: first, second. All others courtesy Hanna-Barbera.

Chelsea Light Moving @ Ottobar Tonight

Two years ago we wrote a snarky little blog post about Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon getting divorced. In it, we said we were actually pretty happy about it because it almost surely meant the end of Sonic Youth. Not to take anything away from SY, but all good things must come to an end eventually, whether it’s your favorite brunch spot or Ed Reed’s football career.

We all knew then that Thurston would do something, but what that something would be was anybody’s guess. Knowing him it could have been pretty much anything. As it turned out, it was Chelsea Light Moving.

Personally Chelsea Light Moving is almost exactly what we would have hoped for. Being over 50 and a veteran of No Wave it would have been incredibly easy for Moore to do something all weird and experimental or overly mellow and even acoustic, but with CLM he’s sort of gone back to his roots, inasmuch as his roots are Marshall Stacks. The self-titled record is good old fashioned guitar rock that calls to mind names like the MC5 and the Butthole Surfers, not to mention some of the early tracks by Sonic Youth.

In that blog post two years ago we called Thurston Moore the indie rock Paul McCartney, and the bottom line is that when someone that famous and influential comes around to play a $15 club show down the street it’s pretty tough to make any legitimate excuse not to go check it out.

Plus, Chain and the Gang. After seeing them play last year we decided they were also just about as good as can reasonably be expected. As far as old-dude double bills go they really don’t get much better than this.

On Modern Music and Digital Discovery

The Chop is probably not your typical music fan in many ways. The great majority of our social life has revolved around music for twenty years now, yet we’ve never really bothered to pick up an instrument. Our record collection count stands at zero, yet we’ve never really embraced digital discovery either. Most of what’s in our iTunes (26+ GB) was ripped from CD’s at one time or another.

And even well into our 30’s our primary (and practically only) method of discovery for new music is seeing it live. It can be slow work waiting for great new acts to come through your city, and even when they do you still may not catch them and connect with them because it’s Sunday night and you just don’t feel like going out. Plus for every Deleted Scenes or Titus Andronicus that comes through there’s 6000 other bands whose sets you politely sit through and promptly forget about.

These days word of mouth is not quite what it used to be. Most friends are fairly set in their listening habits and recommendations tend to be brief and take the form of “Oh it’s so and so from XYZ band doing something that sounds like ABC band.” When you’re over 30 your all-time favorites are pretty well established and there’s not a lot of room left in each listener’s personal pantheon of great artists.

Likewise music journalism isn’t much help. The noise to signal ratio on popular music blogs is far too high and there’s too much PR interference and feed-the-beast mentality involved. If you’re posting 4 hours of streams to listen to daily and the average reader has maybe 90 minutes a day to spend on listening the backlog is going to build pretty quickly and most things are going to be missed. And let’s not even get started on sites like Pitchfork and Spin with their boring 8.9 reviews and their 100 Best this and that lists.

Even digital discovery has been a failure for us. We never cottoned to Spotify with its Facebook-centric user base model, and other algorithm based Internet radio features out there are similarly disappointing. You tell them you like great music like the Clash and Social Distortion and they play you back garbage like Pennywise and US Bombs. No digital service with which we have experimented has played us anything new that was more than mildly interesting.

Until now.

We will admit that we’ve been using iTunes radio more and more lately. Mostly this is a function of the ease of use. It’s already in our phone and we’re automatically signed up for it so why the hell not? It’s definitely a thing that is designed to sell you $1.29 impulse-buy downloads and it’s not without its problems, but it’s also not a bad choice to put on for an hour while you’re cooking dinner.

The quality of Music iTunes Radio plays back depends entirely on your choice of artist to base a station around: REM is a poor choice because you get nothing but crap like U2 and Sting. However Television is a great choice as it prompts the algorithm to spit out the Jam and Suicide. Once the program starts to repeat you can create a new station from the Jam and get slightly different results. Best to do this every 60-90 minutes.

It was in this way, creating new stations from artists in results that we landed on Jens Lekman.

Jens Lekman is one of those artists whose name has always sounded familiar, but the music not so much. Makes sense, right? Releases outside of Sweden are on Secretly Canadian, a respectable and fairly big indie label that’s home so several artists you’ve probably heard of like Yeasayer, Damien Jurado and The War on Drugs. Stuff that’s pretty good, but for us fades into the background pretty quickly and is by and large unremarkable, lost in the shuffle of so many Pitchfork 8.9’s.

We’d come to iTunes radio looking for background music, something to have on while reading on a lazy Sunday. When A Postcard to Nina came through the speakers though we recognized it immediately as the kind of song that cannot and will not be relegated to background music, at least not before several dozen listens. This guy can sing.

By the end of the five minute track we liked it so much it was clear we we’d have no choice but to abandon iTunes radio and find a stream of the entire record. We listened to 2007’s Night Falls Over Kortedala in a way we almost never listen to records anymore; sitting on the couch, staring at the (digital) cover, doing nothing else.

By the end of it there wasn’t any doubt remaining. The record is a masterpiece that, in our opinion, should have placed Lekman up there with Morrissey, Belle and Sebastian, David Byrne and Billy Bragg in indie-pop genius status and probably should have had enough mainstream appeal to take more than a few Grammys away from Amy Winehouse. It’s the first record in years we’ve bought (for we did in fact download it shortly after) that we’ve felt the urge to play again as soon as it’s finished spinning. It’s that good.

And it sounds like little else that’s in our collection. No wonder it took the Internet’s best algorithms a full seven years to get it into our ear holes. Lekman’s also been easy for us to overlook, releasing only two full length records despite being active since 2000. As a European his tour schedule is the type that passes over Baltimore entirely and makes only occasional stops in Washington DC.

If, like us, you’ve been overlooking Jens Lekman up until now take it from the Chop: this is not more of the same. This is worth much more than another boring 8.9.