I Know It’s Wrong, But I’m Doing It Anyway.

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Remember the first time you read The Catcher in the Rye, Baltimore? Remember when you put the book down and said to yourself “Holy shit! He’s right. They are all a bunch of goddamn phonies? Remember how you were about 14, and you finally learned to begin to spot the differences between what people say and what they do? Remember how you swore you were going to stay true-to-self and ride a merry-go-round with your kid sister and rub out some of the ‘fuck yous’ written on school walls?

Well, it hasn’t quite worked out that way, has it? Adulthood is a bitch, isn’t it? It really sucks to realize that you’re not alone in the world. And more than that, it sucks to realize that it’s not just you against the world. It sucks to finally understand that preventing little kids from falling off some mythical cliff doesn’t pay money.

"If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody."

The Chop has, on occasion, been accused of know-it-all-ism. (We know, shocking! right? We couldn’t believe it either.) This is a criticism we’ve never taken to heart though, because we know it’s not quite accurate. We’ll freely admit that there’s plenty we don’t know. There’s stuff we don’t even pretend to know. If we don’t know, we’ll admit it outright, and if we’re wrong on something, we’ll admit that too. It feels good to do, believe it or not.

But one thing of which we’ve never been accused is being phony. And it’s because we know and often use one handy little phrase:

    “I know it’s wrong, but I’m doing it anyway.”

Stop for a second. Think about that one. Let it sink in for a while. Consider, when’s the last time you said that? When’s the last time you heard anyone say that? Ever? Be honest, if you have heard someone say “I know it’s wrong, but I’m doing it anyway.” didn’t you feel a little bit of admiration? Isn’t there something slightly subversive in that? Something individualistic and true-to-self? We think there is.

We all do wrong, all the time. None of us are saints. Even the most generous among us is going to be a little selfish. Even the kindest is going to be a little cruel. Even the softest of us will be a bit callous from time to time. Whether you’re cheating on your diet or your husband, you know you’re doing wrong, and all the excuses, justifications, and self-bargaining we do only makes the thing worse.

We might even argue that lies, justifications, promises to make it up later and excuses are even worse than the thing itself. This is where guilt comes from. This is where hurting other people starts. If you’re sorry later, say so. If not, don’t. Either way, if called to answer for something the admission of wrongdoing will cut the conversation short, and will save a lot of rhetorical gymnastics on both sides. Does your boss want to hear all about why you were late, how you’ve always been early in the past, how there were factors beyond your control, and how it will never happen again? No. She just wants to hear that you know it’s wrong to be late. Say that, and that’s the end of it. More than that… it’s actually quite liberating to say. It gets easier every time.

This is just one example of the way-too-many we’ve been encountering in our own life lately. In this holiday season of guilt, indulgence, greed, envy, and all those other sins, we encourage you all to go out and do wrong openly- because heaven knows you’re going to do it anyway.

Everyone Is Still Pissed: Our Bi-Weekly Political Roundup

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Got to admit… We weren’t too impressed with that Monument lighting this year. It was freezing. It was packed. It was so much puppets and choir music. It was also pretty anti-climactic, as those sorts of things usually are.

For those of you looking to come to Mount Vernon and be just as festive (read: tipsy) indoors and without the crowds, we’d encourage you to come by the Midtown Yacht Club tonight for the regular meeting of the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally.

Baltimore's Drinking Liberally chapter meets at Midtown Yacht Club tonight. 7 pm.

When we were in the Middle East last summer, the Chop and everyone with us basically spent a long, hot Ramadan complaining about the concept of the month-long holiday. Of course, Christmas isn’t much better as it’s now transformed into a full-on 40 day circle-jerk. It’s strange to watch the world around us grind to a halt just because there’s one day of gift-giving and family time at the end of the month, but that’s what’s happening nonetheless.

People may not be shopping as obsessively as they used to, and there may not be as much phony-baloney Jesus guilt as there once was, but nothing is getting done regardless. Everyone we know is pretty much giving over the entire month to social obligations and high calorie, high fat comfort food, as well as getting excited for the sake of being excited.

This is as true in DC as it is anywhere, and you can count on nothing being accomplished by either side until at least State of the Union time.

In the meantime, everyone is still pissed. People who are pissed at Wikileaks are on a witch hunt for Julian Assange, while his supporters are pissed that they’re pissed.

The Democrats (including the Chop) are pissed that Obama is going to give away billions of dollars to people who already have billions of dollars.

The gays are pissed that they do not have equal rights, and if the president continues to act like a pussy, they won’t any time soon.

And the Republicans are pissed that even though they’re about to be in power in the House, they still have to lead their lonely, empty, stupid, meaningless, hypocritical lives.

So come on down to Midtown and have a pint of good seasonal ale. It really helps to take the edge off.

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Midtown yacht Club is at 15 E Center Street in Mount Vernon. Look for the table with the red, white, and blue bottle.

Ted Leo, Heks Orkest @ The G-Spot Tonight

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We can’t lie to you Baltimore, we’re getting old. At least in scene terms, 30 is no spring chicken. This is why it’s been a good long time since the Chop has seen Ted Leo and the Pharmacists live.

Seems like there was a time when we couldn’t help seeing Ted Leo play live. We’d go see some band like Ranier Maria and sure enough, there’s Ted Leo, opening the bill. We even used to heckle quite a bit. Ted Leo was just that kid in school who gave you the setup for a joke every time he opened his mouth. Good old Ted couldn’t finish one song and start another without saying something ridiculous. We weren’t the only one… the Elvis Costello, Paul Westerberg, and Matthew Sweet references were bouncing off the walls in those days.

Ted Leo and Heks Orkest play the G-Spot tonight. 8 pm Doors.

Since then Leo has stacked up new records, rounded out his sound, and become almost famous in the process. We haven’t seen him since because we’re frankly getting too old and jaded for stuff like sold-out crowds, advance ticket sales, trips to the 9:30 club, nightclub drink prices, etc. We just don’t like Ted Leo that much. We like him in a just-as-friends-maybe-go-to-second-base-if-you-can-get-us-a-bottle-of-Boone’s-Farm kind of way. Not a my-parents-are-going-away-for-the-weekend-you-can-totally-come-over-for-a-lingerie-fashion-show-and-backrub-marathon kind of way. We don’t like him like that.

So we were glad to hear that he’s playing the G-Spot tonight. This totally erases all the reasons we have for not going. It’s not far away. It’s BYOB. It’s not sold out. We don’t have to stay out until last call, and we don’t have to watch 4 other bands we don’t really want to see.

As near as we can tell, the only other band on the bill is Richmond’s Heks Orkest, whose name means “witches orchestra,” but who sound nothing like Rasputina. Some may even call them a supergroup, although this raises an interesting question:

    What’s the difference between a supergroup and a bunch of guys who have been in a lot of bands before?

Hard to say. But Avail, Sparta, Engine Down, Denali, Kepone, and a several more former bands is a pretty good resume, and the mp3s on their site, How It Will All Fit and I’ve been Waiting are pretty good stuff.

Maybe even the kind of stuff we end up liking more than Ted Leo when it’s all said and done.

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The G-Spot is located at 2980 Falls Road, 3/4 mile north of the Streetcar Museum. Tickets are $12, $15 day of show. All ages, 8 pm doors.

Elevenses: A Mini-Brunch For the Weekdays

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You already know that The Chop Approves of Brunch. How could anyone not approve of brunch, really? In an age when most breakfasts consist of things like Nutri-grain bars, cereal, frozen waffles and drive-thru fare, it’s nice to sleep late once a week and wake up to eggs benedict, French toast, and fresh fruits and cheeses. Perhaps the menu is not what we like most about brunch. We suspect that these things taste most savory because we have the luxury of time in which to enjoy them.

Of course, this is also the one drawback to brunch… this once a week status. Why should something so delicious and luxurious be relegated to Sundays only? Do we not deserve the chance to stuff our faces mid-morning 7 days a week? Is that not the American way?

Want to be like Joe Strummer? Skip the Wheaties and take elevenses.

The British have one-upped us on this score, America. The English may not be know for their culinary ambition, but they have brought something to the world table which we have by and large failed to sample and savor: Elevenses.

Granted, they may not be very good at this even, with many of them subsisting on Hydrox cookies and Earl Grey, but that doesn’t mean we can’t pick up the ball and run with it. We’ve actually got some pretty good convenience foods here stateside, and if your office happens to be near one of Baltimore’s many bakeries, cake shops or cafes, you’re already set to pick up breakfast at 7:30, and a little something extra for elevenses. Just think of it… all that time you spend forwarding emails and fooling around with Facebook, you could be sneaking off to the break room for a fresh cup of coffee and one of these.

For our part, we’re a lazy blogger. We sleep until 11, so for us it’s just breakfast. When we’re outside the country though, you know, doing real work and waking up at 7 am every morning, we always take elevenses. Of course, we don’t call it that. We call it a coffee break. But it’s a perfect chance to sit back for half an hour, relax a bit, and tide yourself over until lunch. It really makes the work go by much more quickly and pleasantly, and is easily one of our favorite moments in the day.

Maybe you’re reading this at your desk right now. Maybe you’re a little hungry and a little bored. (You must be if you’re reading blogs at work.) Go ahead, take elevenses. Right now. If your boss asks, just explain that the English do it every day, so it must be right and proper. And after all, aren’t we better at eating than the Brits?

It’s not just a small, mid-morning meal… it’s a matter of national pride.

Baltimore’s 10 Best Shows of 2010

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Well, here we are at the end of the year, the time for retrospectives and remembrances, and of course for top ten lists. Granted, this blog might not be the best choice for making a list of the ten best punk and indie shows of 2010, since we spent 6 months of the year abroad and don’t even know what the hell happened while we were gone, so if it makes you feel any better you can feel free to refer to today’s post as “The 10 best shows we could bother to show up to and write about.” After all, what good is a superlative list if you can’t piss and moan about it?

Belle and Sebastian playing at Constitution Hall, 10/14/2010.

There were some shows we wrote about but didn’t ultimately show up to for whatever reason. There were some shows we saw that we didn’t write about for whatever reason. And then there were shows that we wrote about purposefully not going to (certain English bands from the 1970’s). So these are the 10 that we gave you some advance notice on. This is where we get to say “Told you that was going to rule hard.” Because all of these shows did. This list is in reverse chronological order.

10– An Evening With Greg Dulli @ Ottobar Tonight Greg Dulli’s still got it. Period. There’s a reason this show sold out weeks in advance, and it’s because Dulli is just about more badass than anyone who’s been on a stage in the last 20 years.

9– Belle and Sebastian @ Constitution Hall Tonight Okay, so this might not have been a Baltimore show, but there were certainly enough Baltimore people in attendance. These guys just might be our favorite band nowadays, and we’re perfectly okay with that.

8– Deleted Scenes, Medications @ The Sidebar Tonight Deleted Scenes are a truly exceptional band, and Medications are about as tight as post-rock gets. Put them on a bill together and it’s one of the best shows you’ll see all year.

7–Double Dagger, Future Islands @ Floristree Tonight This show was packed with kids and every single one of them was having a great time. This show might have also been the best house party we’ve ever been to.

6–Double Dagger, Sick Weapons Record Releases @ Hexagon Tonight This was an Easter Sunday super record release rager. Everyone showed up drunk on family booze from Easter parties and every band on the bill turned it up to 11.

5–Lucero, Desert Boys @ Sonar Tonight You know who Lucero is? Lucero is that punk-ass friend you had in high school, who, when they come to town, make you think you can drink your weight in whiskey and act like you’re 19 again. They’re a bad influence and a great band. There were a lot of people well in their cups at this show, and the Chop was certainly among them.

4–David Bazan, Headlights @ Ottobar Tonight Bazan played a bunch of Pedro the Lion material, as well as some new stuff. Joked around and took questions from the crowd, played with a full band behind him, and put on a great show.

3–Rival Schools @ Ottobar Tonight We love us some Rival Schools. For our money this is the best pie Walter Schreifels ever stuck his finger in, and we spent the whole set grinning like a dentist.

2–Comics Without Filters @ Windup Space Tonight So, this was a comedy show and not a rock show, but whatever. It was so good that it definitely deserves a place on this list. Everyone who got onstage was genuinely funny, and the crowd ate it up, plus the whole thing was a benefit for Doctors Without Borders. We really wish they’d do another one of these as soon as possible.

1–Shook Ones and Title Fight @ Sidebar Tonight How good was this show? It wasn’t even in 2010, and Title Fight didn’t even play and it still made the list. A lot of people compare Shook Ones to Lifetime, but we like them even better. They’re that good.

So there you have it Baltimore. Those are our picks. Some of the best nights we’ve spent all year. What about you? What did we miss? What sticks in your mind as something exceptional this year? What’s on your radar for next year? Let us know in the comments.