Banned Books Happy Hour @ Pratt Central Library Tonight

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As anyone who’s spent about one single hour on any social media site can tell you, there are a lot of fake holidays floating around lately. One can hardly wake up in the morning without being reminded that today is National Steak and a Blowjob Day or National Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Whether it’s something as obscure as Cockney Rhyming Slang Day, something meant to raise awareness for a cause like World Lupus Day, a publicity stunt like Free Slurpee Day, or just something obsolete and overrated like Valentine’s Day, every day is national something day, and is probably part of national something week and national whatever month.

But today we wish to discuss a holiday for something we can actually get behind: Banned Books Week.

Okay. So strictly speaking Banned Books Week was last week, and coincided with the Baltimore Book Festival. You missed it! But that is of little importance. You were probably too busy celebrating Cheese Week or making the transition from National Yoga Month to National Dental Hygiene Month.

But fear not because October is also National Book Month, and tonight the Pratt Contemporaries are celebrating by sponsoring a Banned Books Happy Hour.

Swing by the Central Branch’s main hall from 6-8 pm (after work and before the ballgame, natch) for complimentary beer and wine from the Wine Source, hors d’oeuvres and snacks from Harris Teeter, and convivial conversation courtesy of the Contemps. They’ll also be offering dime tours and showings of the library’s rare books and collectibles, and visitors can even have a ‘mug shot’ taken with their favorite banned book.

And lest we forget, banning books is unfortunately not a thing of the past. The 10 most challenged books of 2011 contains everything from To Kill a Mockingbird (yeah, still) to The Hunger Games. And this isn’t some backwards repressive shithole like Pakistan or Saudi Arabia we’re talking about here, it’s America.

There are still self-appointed arbiters of good taste and decency in counties and towns all across this country working to bar books from the schools and stores and libraries we all depend on. Even right-leaning publications like Forbes and the Daily Caller are running stories about Mitt Romney’s pledge to crack down on Porn.

Think what you will of Porn, but the truth is that it’s not a very large leap from porn to Erotica, and from Erotica to bestsellers like Fifty Shades of Grey. Under a hypothetical Romney administration, it’s not terribly difficult to imagine large retailers declining to carry certain titles (much the way Wal-Mart already does) due to content. And if you can’t get your hands on a book, isn’t that effectively a ban?

So come on out tonight and have a glass of wine and read a few Cantos. It might be your last chance for a while.

MD Ballot Questions: Our Bi-Weekly Political Roundup

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Today’s the second Wednesday of the month, which means of course that it’s time once again for Drinking Liberally. Except that there is no Drinking Liberally this week because the VP debate is tomorrow night.

Meetings will resume in two weeks though. They start at 7pm and run until we’ve solved all the world’s problems, so come on out and have a pint. Just look for the red white and blue bottle on the table.

DL day also means it’s political roundup day here on the blog, and instead of doing our usual profanity filled rant about something or other, we’ve decided today to do an actual roundup that people may even find mildly interesting and helpful. Today we’re rounding up ballot questions.

Atlantic City has table games and look how well it's working out for them. (image: Urban Flora)

Many voters often make the mistake of not reviewing the sample ballot, and are surprised on election day to find several pages worth of ballot questions that they need to vote for or against. So they stand around reading giant chunks of legalese and take forever thinking about them and the line never moves and everyone becomes grouchy and annoyed.

Don’t be that guy. You can review the sample ballot for Baltimore City here (pdf). You can find other counties’ sample ballots on the Board of Elections website. Or if you want it nice and simple you can take our word for it. Here’s what’s on the City ballot, and what we think about it. (Questions 3-7 are on the ballot statewide.)

Question 3- Suspension and Removal of Elected Officials
We’ll be voting For.

Question makes it possible to remove officeholders at the time they plead or are found guilty of crimes. It makes it quicker and easier to get rid of reprehensible scum like Delegate Don Dwyer.

Question 4- Public Institutions of Higher Education- Tuition Rates
We’ll be voting For.

Expands who is eligible for in-state tuition rates at public colleges explicitly including undocumented immigrants who are actual Maryland residents. Also extends the time veterans are eligible for in-state tuition. Tuition rates can be the difference between someone attending college or not, or finishing or not, and this expansion of access is a question of basic fairness.

Question 5- Congressional Districting Plan
We’ll be voting For.

Establishes congressional districts that align with the 2010 census. It’s just a technicality.

Question 6- Civil Marriage Protection Act
We’ll be voting For.

Do you want gay marriage to be legal? Of course you do, unless you’re some kind of bigot. The chance to be the first state to approve a gay marriage referendum is incredibly historic and important. We’d encourage our readers to get involved with Equality Maryland and do what you can to help.

Question 7- Gaming Expansion
We’ll be voting Against.

We were told that it would be just slots, and that it would be just a certain number of slots in horse tracks and out-of-the-way locations. We were told that we’d all be making money hand over fist and it would balance the budget and fix the schools and yadda yadda. Now we’ve got a shitty casino at Arundel Mills, and another shitty casino slated to be built downtown a mere 10 miles away. They also want more slots per casino, and table games. We call bullshit. The assumptions about how much money this will earn for the state are based on wishes and dreams, and the promise to spend table game revenue on schools is flimsy and is bad fiscal management. The slots people won’t stop asking for more and more until Baltimore is as run-down and gamblefucked as a third rate Indian reservation. Enough is enough.

Question A- School Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $34 Million to construct and improve school facilities. The schools need improvement. Let’s do it.

Question B- Recreation and Parks Environmental Improvement Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $8 Million to maintain rec and parks facilities. Should be a no-brainer. Do you want to have nice parks with the grass mowed and the trashcans emptied regularly, or shitty parks where weeds and rats abound and dirtbikes run rampant and you might get stabbed? Nice parks cost money, okay?

Question C- Community Development Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $24 Million for community development programs. Even though we don’t really trust the mayor and city council to spend that kind of money very well, we say give it to them anyway. The Chop lives in Mary Pat Clarke’s district and at least she’s good at that kind of thing. Thanks Hon.

Question D- Economic Development Loan
We’ll be voting Against.

Would allow the city to borrow $15.8 Million for economic development. This is just going to be more tax breaks for rich companies downtown. More fucking hotels and convention center and Harbor East bullshit. If these companies want to come to Baltimore let them come, and let them pay their own way for once. We don’t need to go into debt for another crummy Bubba Gump’s.

Question D- Public Building Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $17 Million to maintain public buildings including library buildings. This is pretty routine spending type stuff. Nothing very controversial.

Question F- Walters Art Museum Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $300k to put towards the Walters’ facilities. That’s a pittance and a bargain and the Walters is a civic treasure. Of course we’re for it.

Question G- Maryland Zoo in Baltimore Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $200k to put toward the zoo. Don’t you like Brew at the Zoo? Don’t you like feeding giraffes? A vote for this is a vote for drinking beer and feeding giraffes.

Question H- Maryland Science Center Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $200k to put toward the Science Center. Maybe they can use it to buy some new exhibits. The place hasn’t really changed much since we were a wee little Chop.

Question I- Baltimore Museum of Art Loan
We’ll be voting For.

Would allow the city to borrow $500k to put toward the BMA. We love the BMA and go there often. Another civic treasure. Give them a blank check for all we care.

Question J- Charter Amendment, Stormwater Utility
We’ll be voting Against.

Are you shitting us? We’ve already got erroneous water bills for hundreds of dollars and are looking at giant increases in water rates every year for the next decade and you want to create a “financially self-sustaining stormwater utility?” Fuck off. This is going to cost us even more and we can’t afford it.

Question K- Municipal Elections
We’ll be voting For.

This is one of the more important city questions on the ballot. It would line up the city’s election cycle with the presidential cycle. It means living with our haughty, incompetent mayor for a while longer, but it also means that she’s not going to be on the ballot by herself and have no one care and win with 20% turnout. Again. Let’s do it.

Question L- Minority Party Representation on Boards and Commissions
We’ll be voting For.

The mayor and city council love appointing boards and commissions rather than actually doing anything productive or making decisions on their own. This question would enable independents, unaffiliated, and 3rd party voters to count as minority party members, not just Republicans. This is a great move and will likely improve the quality of the boards and commissions appointed.

Question M- Quadrennial Agency Audits
We’ll be voting For.

As it is now, city agencies aren’t required to be audited. They piss away millions and millions every year and literally have no idea where it goes. This would require audits for certain agencies. Another no-brainer and a good first step towards not being completely broke all the time.

So Say the Waiters… The Return of the Serial Novel Has Arrived

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Novels used to make their first appearances in serial format all the time. Many of the greats of American literature, from Mark Twain and Henry James to Hunter S. Thompson and Tom Wolfe, originally published some of their best work in serial form, usually via monthly magazines.

Fast forward to the 21st century. People aren’t reading novels the way they used to, and paper magazines are in a state of rapid decline. Yet somehow everything old is new again. If Justin Sirois has anything to say about it, the serial novel is due for a comeback.

In a world where content is almost completely divorced from medium, a return of the serialized novel makes a lot of sense. Many readers today are becoming accustomed to the Kindle/Nook/iPad style of reading where books fit into readers’ lives an hour at a time- between Tweets and blog posts and streaming movie trailers. Additionally, it’s a sensible way to sell a book. Many readers (including the Chop) are simply not going to shell out $27.50 for a first-edition hardcover of any book.

Digital serialization allows writers to keep their books feeling fresh and brand new as new chapters and volumes are released, and to keep the work affordable, with prices closer to newsprint than hardcover. And of course, once the serial is complete it can then be collected into a print version realizing the best of both worlds.

so say the Waiters by Justin Sirois

The first three episodes of So Say the Waiters are now available for Kindle.

Such is the case with Justin Sirois’ latest work, So Say the Waiters. The first book takes place in five ‘episodes,’ three of which are now available for Kindle on Amazon. (Kindle apps can be downloaded free for iOS, Android, and most other devices.) Once all five episodes have come through the Kindle pipeline, they’ll eventually be collected in a print edition as well.

We didn’t quite know what to expect when we downloaded the first episode recently. Sirois’ earlier novel Falcons on the Floor was a heavy, literary work about two young men attempting to flee the Battle of Fallujah and was written in conjunction with Iraqi refugee Haneen Alshujairy. Not the kind of thing you want to read on your iPhone in between Yelp reviews, Facebook updates and instant memes.

Waiters is a complete departure from that. It is, essentially, a novel about people waiting for action from a smartphone app, that you read on a smartphone app- probably while you’re waiting for something.

Centered around an app that lets users design their own kidnapping experience, the story focuses on Dani, a scenester bartender in Downtown Baltimore who’s hooked on the thrill of being Taken, and Henry, a hapless software engineer who’s recruited to help run KidnApp, as well as to use the app to track down and abduct users himself.

Okay, so in the realm of ongoing series’ of novels it may not be as ambitious as say, Rememberance of Things Past- but that’s not to say it isn’t a page-turner. Chapter by chapter, one episode at a time, Sirois deftly keeps the reader coming back for more, much in the same way we’ve all grown to compulsively check our cell phones for new messages and notifications which may contain some slight but thrilling intermediate reward.

Being set not just in Baltimore, but in that particular Baltimore where we live, Waiters contains a whole subset of little intermediate rewards. Aside from the dramatic turns of the pulp-style plot, many readers will recognize the numerous references to local spots like the former Talking Head, the Copycat, and Hour Haus. When Sirois has Dani speeding down Guilford on her bike or crushing on some dude in a band at the Windup Space, it’s a picture we can see clearly in our mind’s eye.

And if you ask us, it’s something we’d like to see with our actual eyes as well. Reading through the first two episodes, we had the constant impression that the whole concept of KidnApp belongs more to IFC than the iPad. Sirois may not be the next Proust, but So Say the Waiters could easily become the next Repo Man. We’d love to see it adapted for the screen, but until it is we’ll be content to download episode 3 while we (ahem) wait.

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So Say the Waiters Episode 1 is available from Amazon for $1.49. Episodes 2 and 3 are available for $2.99.

Dempsey’s Brew Pub: Bush League Service in a Big League Setting

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We’ve had our eyes trained toward the ballfield all season long at Oriole Park this year. In fact, we’ve focused so closely on the diamond that we missed the new Dempsey’s Brew Pub almost entirely. Oh, we knew it was there and all. It’s kind of hard to miss these days with its giant marquee sign that scars the face of the Warehouse. But until Friday night’s Wild Card Play-in Game we hadn’t made it in to Dempsey’s on a game day, and had completely forgotten it was open 7 days a week.

That may not be entirely our own fault though. There seems to be no sort of public relations apparatus in place at all. Their website, while serviceable, is minimal and very basic, and despite having been open for all of the six month season their Facebook page has only two posts and a paltry 67 ‘likes.’ Nor have we seen any sort of advertising throughout the season. (Hey Rick, give us a call. We’d be happy to sell you an ad.)

eutawst2

Even without the benefit of active public relations, Dempsey’s did manage to get the word out about their Wild Card Game specials, and we were among the several hundred who showed up to watch an away game at home.

Well, part of an away game, anyway. Every television in the place had been tuned into the NL wild card game before the Orioles began playing. Inexplicably, when 8:35 rolled around the Braves and Cardinals were still on TBS, and none of the TV’s were tuned to the AL game on TNT. It was almost as if the entire management and staff had no clue how to control the TV’s, and even if they did didn’t know where to find the game. The delay lasted more than a half inning, only being straightened out in the bottom of the first after the Orioles had already scored their first run and the crowd had become almost as outraged as the fans at Turner Field, chanting T-N-T repeatedly and openly booing the bar’s management.

To be honest, Dempsey’s management deserves some booing. We experienced problems throughout the night, ranging from minor things like the server neglecting to bring forks and napkins to fairly major things like the bar (which is also a brewery) running out of styles of its own beer, then coming around later to say ‘oops. Turns out we weren’t out of that after all.’ Our server, while amiable, was very young and clearly inexperienced and would do things like take drink orders from half the table at a time. She also served our table a beer in a pint glass by putting it down directly onto our friend’s iPhone through blatant inattention and only realized the error when we pointed it out.

So be it. We can put up with a lot for a good list of specials, and Dempsey’s was offering $2 hot dogs, $5 burgers, $5 nachos (including crab nachos), $2 house beers and $3 domestics.

The reviews on the food were mixed. Our veggie burger was not a burger at all but merely a lump of beans and rice on a burger bun. It was nothing resembling a patty. We could have eaten it with a spoon. A friend enjoyed his Jack Daniel’s barbecue burger immensely, calling it the best $5 burger he’d ever seen. The nachos were another popular choice, and while we credit them for using real cheese and fresh ingredients like jalapenos and guacamole, our order was missing the sour cream and pico de gallo advertised on the menu. A bargain at $5, but not worth the $11 full menu price.

The beer likewise depends on a low price to enhance enjoyment. It’s just not good beer. We found all four styles to be lacking in flavor and not comparable in quality to other craft beers of those styles. They also seemed to be low on ABV. If we’d drunk that many IPA’s elsewhere we would have been feeling a lot more hoppy.

It is refreshing though to be in the stadium and not be paying $9 for a Budweiser. At $2 per, we’re happy to keep swallowing beer for the entire game. Which is exactly what we all did, running up only a $130 tab for a table of seven.

Which brings us to the good part of this review: The part where we say that there’s definitely no better place to watch a baseball game. At 20 years old, Camden Yards has aged beautifully, and continues to improve with time. The difference between watching a game at Dempsey’s and any other sports bar is the difference between hearing Mass in a chapel or at the Vatican.

We arrived early enough to claim a table outside on Eutaw Street and looking in at the game on a pleasantly cool night with the pristine, dimly lit stadium as a quiet backdrop was both humbling and memorable. It was nothing short of Orioles Magic.

Dempsey’s design, layout, and accommodations get high marks with comfortable seats, large top-of-the-line flatscreens well placed around the bar and plenty of elbow room. Throughout the game the place always felt full but not packed, with groups of strangers high-fiving and mingling and all in good spirits. The experience would have benefited from audible play by play, although if you’re watching a regular season road game you should be able to hear the calls just fine, as we could during the first half of the Braves/Cardinals game.

We really hope that Dempsey’s and Delaware North can make some strides toward improvement next year. In the meantime, we wouldn’t hesitate to go back again this October. We’d encourage other fans to head down there as well, but it helps to take it for what it is and make the best of it. Just like the team on the field, the place shouldn’t be bound by high expectations. Overall rating, two cartoon birds.

South Carey, Max Levine Ensemble @ Golden West Tonight

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We were really looking kind of hard for something to say about tonight’s show. Off With Their Heads is coming to the Golden West. We don’t have too much to say about them because we’re not very familiar with them. They’re a punk band on Epitaph so it’s like “What do you think they sound like, huh?” Yeah. Exactly. They sound like this video.


We don’t really know what to say about South Carey and DC’s Max Levine Ensemble either, since we’ve written about both before and don’t want to repeat ourselves too much. So instead we’re just going to talk about this little gem we found on South Carey’s Facebook wall…

Local Music: The Genre

” Anyway, the point is: What does “local” really mean? It surely doesn’t mean “This is the section of the store for all artists from the general geographic region within a reasonable radius of where you happen to be standing at this very moment.” You surely won’t find the Stooges in the “local” section of a record store in Ann Arbor or, say, Dylan records intermingling with other Duluth start-up bands. What I have discerned is that your local section in a music store basically means, “This is where we put shitty, amateurish bands who happen to be from this city and who are nice and probably shop at the store, and, so… well, fuck it, we’ll let them bring in a few of their crappy CDs in order to give the store the appearance of being ‘community-oriented’ and ‘supportive of the local scene,’ but, hey, just make sure they don’t take up any prime real estate in the store—preferably put ’em back over there by the unsold Kozik toys.”

continue reading at Vice…

This article really hits close to home for a certain type of music fan. The Chop is that type of music fan. Just the title and photo are enough to take us back to any Suburban Record and Tape Traders on any Saturday afternoon in 1997. You want to go through all the racks because there might, just might be something new mixed in among the Jesus Jones and Grateful Dead (there’s not). You wonder if that girl behind the counter with the dyed hair and eyeliner will fuck you (she won’t) and you hear some idiot in the next aisle say something about Pink Floyd synching up with The Wizard of Oz (we still don’t know or care but probably not).

We’ve always found more to like in the Local section.

Now, could it be that we just happen to like shitty music? Yes. That’s entirely possible. We’re willing to admit of the possibility that bands like Torn Apart and the Slumlords and High School Hellcats aren’t that good, even compared to bands making almost identical music. But we like them anyway. They’re fun to listen to and even more fun to see play live. And we don’t see a lot of bands outside the Local section doing $5 shows with $1 Bohs, right?

The Vice article goes on to lay out a list of criteria that a lot of ‘Local’ bands meet. Here are just a few:

      *You play in town 15-25 times a year. (Do you think your friends are going to buy multiple copies of your record?)

      *Your liner notes contain a “thank you” section for each individual member.


      *You have to cancel a show because one of the members is going to the beach that weekend.


      *You have at least one fat member.

      *The person who is recording your record is referred to as a buddy.


      *You ask people to sign a mailing list that is in the back.


      *All your gear is stuff that can be ordered from a Musician’s Friend catalog or bought at a Guitar Center.


      *You have your own band’s sticker on your car.


      *Your website claims you were voted best at something in a local paper’s reader’s poll.


      *You are putting together a project specifically to open up for some band you like who is coming into town to play.

      *You have some t-shirts being made that you often describe as “pretty rad.”


      *And of course, the deathblow… you were on a CD, bill, or radio show called “Locals Only.”

So yeah. There’s gonna be some Local music at the Golden West tonight. Not the Beach House kind or the Animal Collective kind, but the kind that we like. Come on out and support it.