Baltimore Lexicon: Bud Heavy

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The Chop’s been drinking a lot more ballpark beer than ever this season. Partially this is because we haven’t had the patience to fool around with a hip flask this Summer. Partially it’s because we’ve been treating friends to tickets and letting them buy a beer in return. But mostly it’s because this season we’re fully reconciled to buying $10 beers and not feeling entirely like we’re getting hosed.

Of course, there’s no accounting for taste. If you’re going to do laps around the concourses seeking out your favorite craft beer stand or insist it ‘jest ain’t a Bawlmer Summer widdout a Boh Hon!’ well then you’re going to pay too much for beer. But once you realize that Delaware North, who runs the food and beer concession at Oriole Park offers big cans, and those big cans are 24 ounces and cost $10, you realize you’re essentially buying two $5 beers stacked on top of one another.

Bud Heavy

If we had our baseball druthers we’d prefer $5 12 oz. beers, and we’d prefer those beers be flying Dog Atlantic Lager. But we’ll take what we can get and this season we’ve been drinking a lot of Budweiser cans at Camden Yards. And we’ve noticed something: all the vendors there refer to them as Bud Heavy.

Which would seem to make sense, since a 24 oz can is in fact kind of heavy. But that’s not why. The Oriole vendors call Budweiser Bud Heavy simply to distinguish it from Bud Light.

We’d never heard the term before this year, but in 2013 we’ve heard it on both main concourses and Eutaw Street at just about every game we’ve attended, so it’s pretty safe to say it’s in wide use among vendors (and, one would imagine, Bud drinkers) all over the park. A quick Google search reveals that ‘Bud Heavy’ is listed in Urban Dictionary which attributes the phrase to the Midwest. Some other results suggest that it’s not so much regional, but is most commonly used in places that deal in a huge volume of Bud and Bud Light; stadiums and frat houses and sports bars and such. Relevant results run out pretty quickly though.

For our part we like the phrase, and wouldn’t mind seeing it stick around Birdland permanently. When we head down to tonight’s game against the Rays we’re gonna have a Bud Heavy or two until it’s time for a few post-game beers.

Should You Be Boycotting Russian Vodka?

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Yes. Yes you should. Here’s why.

First of all, The Russian Vodka Boycott has nothing to do with the Olympics. Unfortunately we live in an age of very lazy journalism where no hack of a cable news reporter can resist conflating two separate stories because they happen to be tangentially related. World class athletes, whether they’re gay or straight, American, Russian or whatever, are representative of strength, determination, discipline, courage, etc etc. They make good sexy copy. The lives of ordinary gay Russians and allies are not quite as exciting… but they’re the ones now under threat and they’re the ones about whom this boycott seeks to raise awareness.

Russia passed a radical new set of anti-gay laws recently which outlaw not only any homosexual activity, but any show of support or acceptance of gays. These laws are generally worded and Russia being Russia, the penalties for violating them are whatever the hell the authorities happen to feel like that day. These laws’ clear intent is repression, and violent incidents and arrests of the laws’ opponents have become commonplace in Russia.

A bottle of non-russain vodka on the Chop's home bar.

A bottle of non-Russain vodka on the Chop’s home bar.

With the way Russia and Vladimir Putin have been behaving lately, it’s not a stretch to say we should probably be boycotting all Russian products. But let’s face it: you’re not going to buy a Russian car any time soon. Ditto a Russian smartphone or suit or pair of shoes. There’s only one Russian export you are likely to buy, and that’s vodka.

Specifically, Stolichnaya vodka. In a piece at the Stranger’s website boycott founder and spokesman Dan Savage provides a handy list of Russian vodkas currently available in the US. The only one you’ve likely ever heard of is Stolichnaya. So while cable networks and lazy site editors fall all over themselves for clips of studly gay-bar bartenders dumping Stoli into the gutter, remember that this is not technically a boycott of that specific company.

And as far as slacktivism goes, being an American drinker and boycotting Russian vodka is about as easy as it gets. If you’re shelling out for Stoli in a bar (or God help you at home) it takes literally zero effort to ask for Absolut or Belvedere or Finlandia or Skyy or Grey Goose instead. As it turns out, that iconic Russian beverage is pretty popular in the rest of Europe too.

As a bar owner or retailer it might take a little more effort, sure. But literally dumping good booze is never advisable… That’s a human rights violation of its own! But would your business go under if you simply kept that Stoli in a case in the back and didn’t order more until the Putin regime ends its crackdown on LGBT people?

No. That wouldn’t hurt you much at all. And it would gain you a lot of goodwill, especially in a state like Maryland, where it is, after all, wedding season.

Baltimore Pizza Power Rankings

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We’ve been thinking a lot about pizza lately. That’s probably because we haven’t been eating very much of it. Ever since we decided to join a gym our level of pizza consumption is at an all time low, down to barely once a month. So when we are having a few slices we want to make it count.

At the same time recently we’ve found ourselves subject to the dumb protestations of people who have lived in NYC at some point about how nowhere else in the world has good pizza. Nonsense. We’ve had it up to here with fake-ass pizza snobbery. After all, we’ve been to NYC many times and eaten many pizzas there and you know what? They varied in quality but weren’t really anything special. Ray’s, Famous Ray’s Famous Original Rays… who gives a shit?

joesquared

While it would be nice to see more shops locally embrace single-slice sales, there’s definitely no shortage of good pizza in Charm City. So today we present the Baltimore Pizza Power Rankings. This isn’t a typical ‘best of’ list but rather it sorts out several Baltimore pizza shops and restaurants by reputation. Of course the ones with the best reputation also tend to have the best pizza. It’s important to remember that there are a lot of places not on this list. Most of what’s listed here is very good, although some of the places near the bottom made the list by reputation alone and couldn’t be ignored.

Now without further ado, your Pizza Power Rankings, from best to least best.

1. Joe Squared- Joe Squared set the standard for excellence in pizza restaurants and has been consistently great since opening. Everyone’s got a favorite among their signature pies. Ours is the Flag Pizza.

2. Matthew’s Pizza- This small Highlandtown spot has been around forever and will come up in any conversation about good pizza. It’s been winning best of Baltimore awards longer than we’ve been alive, all well deserved.

3. Iggie’s- It’s very very rare that we’ve heard anyone mention Iggies and not sing its praises from the hilltops. We’ve always been personally impressed with out visits and being BYOB is an added bonus.

4. BOP: Brick Oven Pizza- BOP has some detractors these days but there’s always a lot to like about it. They’ve got all the toppings in the world and sell slices, even let you build your own slice. People may nit-pick their crust but they’ve been around a long time, and it’s because they run a great shop.

5. Hersh’s- Founded by two siblings who have dedicated their entire lives to pizza and liquor this bar cum pizza joint is a relative newcomer but has earned its place on this list quickly. Our only complaint is that it’s too far from our house for regular visits.

6. Isabella’s- This small and unassuming shop backs up to the bocce courts in Little Italy. It stays a bit under the radar, but that’s because it’s the kind of place that its large corps of loyal regulars wants to keep all to themselves.

7. Verde- Also a newcomer to the pizza scene after taking over the former Birches, Verde’s been quick to impress. The list of signature pies is staggeringly long and this place will probably stay in business forever… because quick! Name another great pizza place in Canton.

8. Birroteca- While pizza is the main feature here, the place is also known as a full restaurant and bar. Hidden down in the Jones Falls Valley near the Hampden light rail stop the place has become a must-visit for the type of people who care about foodie street cred. But that means it’s good.

9. Italian Graffiti- for the longest time the go-to pizza shop in Fell’s Point was Little Italy Pizzeria. It’s still there, same as ever, but we never go there anymore. Why would we when IG is right around the corner and about 200 times better?

10. Filippo’s/Spartan (tie)- Matthew’s isn’t the only great traditional pizzeria in Highlandtown. Filippo’s and Spartan are also in Highlandtown proper and both have been putting out great pizzas for decades. They coexist in yin-yang harmony like a steaming hot half-pepperoni/half mushroom pizza.

12. Egyptian Pizza- Egyptian has seen many neighbors come and go in the Belvedere Square area. Let’s face it, it’s not easy to stay in business in there. But Egyptian has hung on year in and year out.

13. Toss- It’s even harder to stay in business when you’re a quarter mile from Belvedere Square in Govans. But Toss earns a lot of credit by being known as the place that will deliver wood-fired artisan type pizza to most of North Baltimore. Also a BYOB sit-down restaurant.

14. Owl Bar- Owl Bar is known more as a bar and general restaurant but their giant brick pizza oven has always featured prominently. They make an understated sort of handmade pie that doesn’t look like something Guy Fieri would shove into his ugly face and moan explicitly.

15. Zella’s- Zella’s is a great place with a great reputation, loyal regulars and good pizza. It would rate more highly on this list but it is next to Hollins Market and who the fuck wants to go there? Nobody who’s not living there already, that’s who.

16. Pub Dog- Sure it’s mostly a brewpub, but it’s a brewpub with great pizza. Why would you not want to eat pizza in a brewpub? What’s wrong with you?

17. TooLouLou- An up and comer, this place just might be a contender someday. The pizza is great and the rest of the menu is cajun/creole inspired which is something you don’t see a lot of around Baltimore. This place is in Lauraville, and we get the feeling that they know it’s going to be on them to do a lot of the heavy lifting to draw in people from off the Harford/Bel Air Rd corridors. We think they’re up to the challenge. (Also BYOB.)

18. Chazz: A Bronx Original- Yeah it’s a little too Planet Hollywood for our tastes but word is that the pizza’s good at least. Plus you might bump into Derek Jeter if the Yankees are in town and have the chance to throw a pizza at him.

19. Homeslyce- “A place for slices you can call home. Welcome home: Homeslyce.” Homeslyce is decent enough to have spun off a second location on North Charles, but it’s the kind of place you walk into and see people eating weird giant strombolis and seafood pizzas and pineapple/pesto pies. Go here if Hersh’s is too crowded.

20. Maria D’s Everyone in South Baltimore has eaten at Maria D’s. It’s fed the multitudes, like Jesus with the loaves and fishes. Great Pizzeria and carry-out.

21. Angelos- We’d like to rate Angelo’s higher but it’s sort of a one-trick pony. But it’s a pretty good trick. This is the only place we know of to get a legitimately GIANT slice. And you can get one and a soda for like $5.

22. Maxie’s- This place in the former XandO at Charles and 31st feels more like a carry-out upstairs and more like a bar downstairs. That should get it a lot higher on this list but the pizza is pretty greasy and the bar doesn’t exactly distinguish itself. It’s failed to generate much buzz but has definite room for improvement.

23. Social Pub and Pie- The only time we ever hear buzz about this place is in connection with mid-week specials. But if you can get a pizza and a pitcher dirt cheap on a Wednesday then why cook?

24. Two Boots- You want your Authentic NYC place? Here you go. And you’ve got it all to yourself because there’s never anybody in there. Why would you go there when Joe Squared is a block away? Still, it’s not bad pizza though and you can mix and match slices.

25. Earth, Wood and Fire- Hidden away in Mount Washington this place looks great but how is it that we had never heard of it before we sat down to write this blog post? Safe to say the word is not on the street.

26. Hot Tomatoes- Pizza for drunks. Drunks aren’t very particular. Still probably better than Little Italy Pizzeria though.

27. Bagby Pizza Co.- We’re sure it’s wonderful if you’re a financial analyst on your lunch break. But again why would we ever go here when Italian Graffiti is a few blocks over?

28. Johnny Rad’s- We feel badly rating Johnny Rad’s so low on the list because it is an excellent bar. A really, truly great place to hang out and drink beer. Unfortunately the pizza and the rest of the menu don’t match the bar’s great service and selection or live up to the overall vibe.

29. Oriole Pizza- A pretty crappy place but a great option for delivery if you’re an art student or law student.

30. Never On Sunday- Highly overrated but you could still go here if Iggies was closed for some reason.

No Cover: Why Passing the Hat Works for Everyone

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When we visited Austin recently we were a little bit surprised at a lot of things. We knew we should expect food trucks, but we didn’t know we should expect whole trailer parks full of food trucks. We knew people wore stetsons and cowboy boots, but they wear them like to the grocery store. And we knew there was a lot of live music to be heard, but we didn’t fully realize that that meant 24 hours a day everywhere.

Whether it’s punk and indie stuff, country/western, rock and roll, singer/songwriters or experimental college stuff, there really is music everywhere in Austin. We got around to quite a few different places and found that some of them are more dedicated to one particular genre while others will alternate sounds from night to night. They all had one refreshing feature in common though: No Cover Charge.

whitehorse

Looking back on it, we probably didn’t pay a single cover during our whole 5 day trip and we’ve been musing on why that is. Partially we think it has to do with Austin featuring so many live-music bars and clubs all very close together. Places really want to encourage people to just wander in and stay awhile, and paying a cover certainly discourages the casual bargoer who’s more interested in having a drink than hearing a tune.

If there’s an oversupply of bars, there’s also an oversupply of talented bands. Most every act we happened to catch on our visit sounded very tuned-up, polished and professional. Why pay to hear a band when there’s someone just as good playing next door for free? It would take a pretty special act to command a cover in any of the places we visited.

But mostly bars don’t charge a cover because it’s not at all necessary. Austin’s live music culture is quite a bit different from ours here in Baltimore, and one of those differences is passing the hat. Bands playing for tips is commonplace, and the culture is such that audiences have become very used to throwing a few bucks in the tip jar or literally into a hat that’s passed around.

For bargoers it’s a pretty good system: you only pay for what music you actually watch, and even if you watch several bands or move from one place to another and tip musicians in each you’re still not out more than the $8-10 of a typical cover charge. If you really don’t like a band you’re not stuck having paid the door: you can walk out back for a beer (all the bars have wonderfully big backyards) or seek out another place.

For bands it works just as well. With audiences who are as used to tipping bands as their bartenders, musicians make as much or more than they might after the house and promoter get cuts. They’re also not subject to the whims of promoters with questionable division schemes on slow nights.

And for the house it’s a no-brainer. Book talent and don’t pay for it, and allow people to wander in freely. We understand why this system isn’t in place in Baltimore, and with the way our bars and crowds are it probably wouldn’t work even as an experiment. We sort of wish it would though. If anything, it would get us in the door and checking out even more live music than we already do.

Tonight’s Oblivians Show is Postponed Until October 2

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Due to a death in the family, the Oblivians announced recently via their Facebook page that they will be re-scheduling their tour dates for Baltimore and Brooklyn.

According to the Unregistered Nurse Tumblr the new date for Baltimore is October 2, at which time all tickets for tonight’s show will be honored.

ottobar

To clarify, the entire show is being postponed, and Sick Thoughts, Adults, and the Shirks will not be appearing either. We expect a full lineup announcement for 10/2 shortly, so check back with the UN Tumblr, the Unregistered Nurse Facebook or the Ottobar website for more info.

Bummer.