The Chop Joins a Gym

Yes Baltimore, it’s true. We can hardly believe it either. This weekend your Chop submitted to one of the final and most overt symptoms of adulthood. On top of paying a mortgage and actively pursuing an 800 credit score and doing yard work and playing golf we’ve gone and joined a gym. It’s like we don’t even know who the Chop is anymore.

There is still a big part of our psyche that’s rooted in punk rock, and rejects the notion of working out, and especially working out in a health club as something that’s strictly for jocks and yuppies. Of course we realize that that’s nothing more than dumb high-school tribalism, but it’s still the notion we’re stuck with. At least until today when we actually start going to the gym and will be forced to realize that it’s not all investment bankers and ex- collegiate lacrosse bros but just so many regular people.

And that’s what we are too. Regular people. As much as we’d like to think so we’re not too punk for anything, including the gym. We came to the realization a while back that being over 30, we’re kind of at a crossroads. Youthful metabolism and incidental exercise just isn’t going to cut it anymore.

The Chop’s not so bad looking, and we can still fit easily into slim cut 36w jeans but we’re also not the 190 lbs we were 10 years ago. At this point in life we can either continue to gain weight slowly and rely on a decent wardrobe and a sailors’ tan to make up the difference, or we can put in a little fuckin’ work and actually get better looking with age. It really doesn’t take that much time and effort to drop a little fat, build a little more muscle and get to be better looking and healthier. The one option that’s not open to us is staying in just the exact same shape we’re in now. That’s simply not possible.

So today is our first day as a member at Meadow Mill Athletic Club. We went in this weekend and took advantage of their 90 days for $99 Summer Special and it’s all pretty weird to us right about now. Honestly we feel, and probably look, quite a bit like this clip from What About Bob. We went in and signed up without even bringing workout clothes. Baby steps. Baby steps to the gym. Baby steps to the locker room. Baby steps to the bulletin board with the class signups. Baby steps to the free weights.

We’ll get the hang of it all soon. Hell, we might even swing by the pool at Druid Hill Park for an hour and try to get an actual tan while we’re at it. A tan! And we’ve even gone ahead and clicked over to Amazon and bought ourselves a squash racquet. Squash! That’s about as un-punk as it gets and you know what? We’re okay with that.