Why We’re Still Not Sold on E-Readers

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We’re not gonna lie… we’ve really been digging this living alone business lately. With roommate gone from the house for evermore, the daylight savings time in full effect, and the weather turning warmer by the day, this is a perfect day for lounging around the house reading all day.

For us, that means good old fashioned paper books and magazines. For someone who travels as much as we do, and is forced to pack several pounds of paperbacks on each trip, you’d think we would have been among the first to adopt a digital e-reader. We’re still holding out though, and will continue to hold out until the publishing industry gets its shit together.

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In an increasingly technological age, vinyl record sales continue to increase even as CD’s prepare to settle into the nation’s landfills once and for all. A major contributing factor in the resurgence of the LP is the inclusion of digital download codes with virtually all new records sold. Just a couple short years ago, whatever prescient indie label thought to include download codes in LP’s was a brilliant leader. Now it’s an industry standard, and the absence of a free download code can make or break record sales.

We don’t see any reason (short of bald-faced greed) why the publishing industry can’t do the same thing. It’s shameful that all downloads are still in proprietary formats, although this is a separate issue entirely. We’d go out and buy a Kindle tomorrow if every download came with a free hard copy. Hell, we’d probably buy a Kindle, a Nook, and whatever else you like. We’ve always liked keeping books, though. So much so that we’ve over-filled our giant Expedit shelf, and are quickly running out of space on the two smaller Expedit versions in our office.

We’re not going to quit collecting real books any time soon. Nor are we going to buy a magazine’s mobile app when we already get it in the mail. But we look forward to that day in the future when every book in the store comes with a little scratch-off section in the back cover to conceal and preserve a download code. We’ll be staying away from e-readers until then, and would suggest everyone else do likewise.

Crazy Ray’s: A Museum of the Modern American Road

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If Baltimore is a city sometimes known to celebrate the bizarre, the unusual and all things on the fringes, we’d posit that there may be no more bizarre place in the city than Crazy Ray’s auto parts on Erdman Avenue.

An automotive “graveyard” might be an apt description of the yard at Crazy Ray’s, although unlike an actual graveyard, nothing is buried here. Instead, these mechanical corpses are laid bare under the sun for the inspection of God and all. In various stages of weathering, disrepair and destruction the Beamers and Buicks meant to be a source of parts are as much a macabre museum of the American roadway.

With acres of autos providing a window into vehicular history and the lives of their former owners, Crazy Ray’s is one of our favorite places to explore in Baltimore, whether we need parts or not. Here are a few photos from a recent trip.

A relic of the Studio 54 cocaine party era.

Party like a rock star.

Your stickers may outlast your car.

Family fun in a conversion van. Next stop Wally World!

Pie in the sky.

Still pimp as hell.

Is it just me or was it hot in here?

This is why you don't try to cook meth in the back seat.

It may look like hell, but it smells Springtime fresh.

Watch out for the giant forklifts, because they might kill you.

A view of the neighboring trainyard and the Bayview hospital complex.

It's a 10 car pile-up.

Damn, I think I left my keys in the car...

A word of caution if you go though: Junkyards are really fucking dangerous places. Aside from the giant speeding forklifts pictured above, there’s also the possibility that a car will fall on you, since most of them are propped up on stacks of tires or little spare-tire jacks. There is also broken glass and twisted metal absolutely everywhere. We’d recommend the thickest-soled, sturdiest boots you have, a pair of jeans you wouldn’t mind staining, and long sleeves wouldn’t be a bad idea either. Even if you don’t get cut or bruised, you may still come out covered in oil, grease or other automotive fluids.

But of course, some people are into that sort of thing.

Matrimonials, Quarantines, South Carey @ Ottobar Tonight

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There’s no Sunday Night Football tonight. There’s no Sunday baseball game of the week either. Hell, there’s not even any new episodes of Mad Men, Boardwalk Empire, the Walking Dead, or any of the other premium TV fare the networks have started to crowd up Sunday Nights with.

When all else fails though, there’s still the punk rock underground.

South Carey plays the Ottobar tonight. 9 pm doors.

Tonight’s show at the Ottobar could easily be a basement show at someone’s house. With these three bands all playing for free in the upstairs, the basement show vibe should be very well in tact. The drop ceiling, crummy tiles, pool tables and day-glo artwork are all present and accounted for, but thankfully the bar is a little better stocked than pop’s dusty old liquor cabinet.

We’d love to tell you all about the bands, but that’s the thing about basement rock… those guys hide out in the basement and don’t generate a lot of news. The Quarantines play cartoonish horror-pop on Insubordination Records. The Matrimonials pop up to play grunge-punk only occasionally. Unfortunately, we missed their set the last time they played, so we’re eager to catch them tonight.

Perhaps the most elusive of these three acts though is South Carey. We’re racking our memory and the last time we saw them was…? It could be because they’re a true basement band through and through… the kind that has more fun at band practice than at shows. That’s not to disparage them though; they’ve got/Ace Freely/they’ve got Peter Criss/waiting there for them yes they do. there is one piece of news on them though; word on the street has it they’re no longer a 2-piece, but are now playing as a quartet with a sexy beast of a new singer and another dad-core bass player. Here’s hoping the change means they’ll play that much more often and rock that much harder.

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Ottobar is at 2549 N. Howard St. in Charles Village. 9 pm doors, 9:30 show. Free, 21+

The World’s Best Cocktail Shaker

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We don’t do a lot of showing off here at the Baltimore Chop. We like to err on the side of humility, and conspicuous consumption just isn’t our style. Last weekend though, we came across so fine a thing that it absolutely must be shared with the internet at large. Hey, if other bloggers can show off pictures of their crummy cats and dogs and children, then you can indulge us, for once, in showing off what’s truly important to us.

We made a trip out to Home Anthology last weekend. We tend to think of mid-century modern furniture the same way we think of tattoos: very nice for some other people, but not quite for us. We won’t be bringing home any Scandia chairs or clear lucite tables any time soon, but we did find this little gem which is absolutely perfect for our home bar.

We’ve been looking for an ideal shaker for almost two years now. Nothing we’ve seen in that time has been quite right. Where everything else on the bar is new and stainless, it was crucial that the most important piece of hardware be glass and preferably vintage, to avoid being too well-matched and add a little cachet.

So far every brand new shaker we’ve found has been too expensive, and each vintage one we’ve seen has been just too tacky, with drink recipes or corny little jokes on the side. This beauty, with its understated etching and stainless rim strikes just the right tone for a drink to unwind, a nightcap, or a full on cocktail party.

With a tight-fitting two piece lid, a 32-ounce capacity, and a heavy bottom this baby is perfect for mixing up a Spring round of Lemon Sticks for company, or stowing in the fridge and draining off its contents ourselves.

Chalupas, Gorditas, and the Problem of Urban Planning

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When Martin O’Malley declared Baltimore “The Greatest City in America” most outsiders were derisive and dismissive. Even some longtime City residents were somewhat dubious of the claim. But those of us who truly love Baltimore thought “Why not?” Seriously… why not? It’s all subjective anyway, right? Who’s greater than we are?

With its diverse admixture of race, class, and culture, its ability to be at once small town and big city, and its central location in the great state of Maryland, Baltimore contains all the hallmarks of greatness; a symphony orchestra, a great central library, the Ravens and O’s, and more great locally made beer, art and music than even the most decadent bon vivant could hope to consume in one lifetime. It’s got everything, except the one thing that matters most when you’re dead drunk at 3 am with $4 in your pocket… Taco Bell.

A visual approximation of the Chop's love for Taco Bell.

There is no Taco Bell in Baltimore City. There are no baja chalupas. No cheesy crunchwrap supremes. No Enchiritos, no nachos bellgrande, and no choco-tacos for dessert. Baltimore City, for all its greatness, is a Fourthmeal®-free zone. Chipotle may make a serviceable $6 burrito for lunch, but for the stoner-gourmet or the low-rent hipster who just closed down the bar with a tab full of Boh Ice and Johnny Drum shots, chipotle can’t hold a candle to the Five Buck Box®.

For Baltimoreans with a craving for meat-style taco filler and more Pepsi than they can drink for under $5 after 2am, we literally have to make a run for the border. For those of you on the east side, you’ve got to go all the way out to the depths of Dundalk’s Wise Avenue location. In the west it’s Rt 40 Catonsville. Southsiders have to make the trek to Ritchie Highway, and those of us in North Baltimore find our closest location over the city line at Loch Raven and Taylor. This is completely unacceptable. (Update: An astute reader confirms that the TB location on Rt 40 in Baltimore Highlands neighborhood is still open. It is inside the city, but still quite inconvenient.)

The Chop has a full-on non-ironic love for Taco Bell. Shut up. We do. We know it’s wrong, but we love it anyway. We want to hereby go on record that Yo Quiero Taco Bell. We also want to encourage our city neighbors to raise awareness to right this wrong, and to publicly implore Yum Brands to bless us with one or more Taco Bell locations, specifically in North-Central Baltimore.

The ideal spot, in our opinion, would be either the abandoned fast food joint on Howard, just above North Ave, or alternately as a tenant in the new Wal-Mart development, which is going to be full of crappy suburban stuff anyway. Failing that, we’d like to see an existing Yum®-owned KFC switch brands to a Taco Bell. The KFC location at Saint Paul and North would be an ideal candidate, and the one on Greenmount and 29th would also be most acceptable (because fuck it, we’ll just use the drive through anyway).

We love this city with all our Choppy little heart. We don’t even mind the thought of raising any future children in a house with no back yard, a school system with no money, or a neighborhood with no guarantees of safety. But to raise them in a city with no Fruitista Freezes® or no Volcano Menus® is tantamount to child abuse, and we’re just not sure that we could do it.