2011 Mobbies Voting Starts Today

Posted on October 31, 2011 by The Chop

It’s that time of year again, Baltimore. The time when we bother you as much as we possibly can without completely alienating you so that you’ll vote for us in the Baltimore Sun’s Maryland’s Outstanding Blogs contest. Voting begins at 8 am today, and runs through November 10. Vote for the Chop daily. Pretty please.

We’re feeling the pressure this year. No longer are we the new kid on the block, the scrappy young contender with something to prove. After winning last year in the Best Music and Nightlife category, as well as taking home the Best Local Blog award from the City Paper this year we’re ready to put our championship belt on the line against all challengers.

The Chopfish: Much like Huey Long, We've got a strong record and the readers' best interest at heart, but we're not above grandstanding and politicking.

This year we’re up for Best Entertainment Blog, Best Lifestyle Blog, and Best Out On The Town Blog. We’d like to win any one of these categories, Although Best Out On The Town blog may be the most fitting for us this year.

By the way: The Mobbies does not count as pageviews in the Baltimore Sun’s paywall scheme, so you can feel free to vote for us every single day with no worries about getting shut out of the site.

Paywall notwithstanding, the Mobbies will always have kind of a soft spot in our heart and bookmarks. It was the first Mobbies that introduced us to most of the blogs to which we subscribe today, and that made us think “Gee, you know what? This blogging thing doesn’t seem so difficult. Maybe we should start a blog.” And so we did. And we set out to make it one of the best around. We set out to make it the type of blog we would want to read every day.

So we’re asking for your vote. Not because we want to win a popularity contest on Twitter and Facebook (although we’re not above that) but because we work hard on this blog, and we’re proud of it. What have we done for you lately? Let’s see…

The new URL. We bought thebaltimorechop.com for several years. We’re not going away anytime soon.

The new design. It took a lot of time and a bit of cash to bring the blog up to the next level. Little did we know that getting it installed was only a fraction of the work. It took days of technical nonsense to make all the content fit properly. (We’re still working on the subscription issues.)

We’re still ad free/spam free. We could have switched on google ads a month ago and started counting coin. But we didn’t. You know why? Because google ads are annoying. If and when we do introduce advertising to this site, it’ll be from local businesses we actually endorse. Likewise, we don’t just toss up press releases and call it a blog post. Nothing like seeing the email from your inbox on somone else’s blog the next day.

Legwork. You know all those posts we wrote about daydrinking? Remember the ones about bar trivia? We don’t just pull these out of our ass. We go there and double check before we fire up our laptop.

Dedication. We don’t just blog when we feel like it. Not only when the mood strikes us. You’ll never log onto this site and see a post that says “Ooh. I know I haven’t blogged in 6 months. Here’s a post for posting’s sake.” We post actual content five days a week- whether we feel like it or not. And not just about what we ate for dinner. We try to give you something you can use.

We’re assuming the Mobbies will be run this year the same way the GOP primary is, with a new front runner every day, the Eastern Shore counties moving their voting dates up, and an endless number of nominee debates. In the meantime though, head over to the Sun site and give us your vote.

What’s Your Trademark?

Posted on October 28, 2011 by The Chop

We’re in the thick of Fall now. Fall Fashion. ZOMG. There’s a ton of brand new shit that you have to wear (that looks suspiciously like certain old shit) and in the Fall there’s no shortage of places to wear it. The great part of Autumn is that the fashion world prepares for it all year long, and by virtue of that, the weather, and the wide breadth of fall activities, there’s no better time to experiment stylistically.

The downside of Fall is that the fashion industry prepares for it all year long, and they basically throw everything they have at the wall and see what sticks. They’ll recommend bow ties, hunting vests, military garb… even fucking friendship bracelets. This is the time of year when you most need to check yourself; when you most need to bring yourself out of the pages of Details and back into the real world. This is the time of year when you most need your trademark.

Eehhhhhh! Get one thing. Wear it well.

Think of Woody Allen’s Glasses, which are always different, yet somehow always exactly the same. Did you ever see Johnny Cash in something that wasn’t black? Of course not. These men knew what it was to have a trademark.

For the rest of us it’s not necessary to go too over the top, but one or two stylistic trademarks will almost always beat a closet full of accessories. Why buy a rack full of hats if you can find one that works everywhere? Wear suits to work? Don’t buy one three piece… buy five. Sick of tying shoes? Wear loafers for the rest of your life.

What we want to leave you with this week is not specific fashion advice, but an idea to ponder: What’s your trademark? Why is that your trademark? Have you got it where where you want it? Are you building around it? When you go, are they gonna bury you in it?

Be careful though. Some personal trademarks can go horribly wrong.

The Best Halloween Candy Ever

Posted on October 27, 2011 by The Chop

Another Halloween is nearly upon us Baltimore. Will you be ready when it arrives? The Chop has a couple of things lined up for the weekend, but honestly, this Halloween-falling-at-either-end-of-the-weekend business is starting to wear on us. Slowly and sneakily Halloween is becoming almost a week-long festival more than a one-day kids’ holiday.

Whereas last year we gave you the quickest and easiest and also the absolute worst Halloween costume ideas, this year we turn our attention to candy. As someone who’s got more and more peers with trick-or-treat aged kids every year, we fully realize that our proper place on Halloween is on the front porch handing out candy. That doesn’t mean that the drunks in Fell’s and the snotty little kids get to have all the fun. We live next to a rich neighborhood, and so see few trick or treaters, which means that one of our favorite facets of Halloween is leftover candy.

A bowl of great candy all to yourself doesn’t just happen though. you’ve got to think it out in advance, and not just hit up the leftovers at the 24 hour Rite Aid late Sunday night. Here’s our top five choices for Halloween candy, for the kids and for yourself.

A visual approximation of the Chop reaching for a Halloween treat.

5. Whoppers At first blush, Whoppers seem like a shitty choice, because you only get half a handful at most in the little fun size thing. We much prefer the half-gallon fatty milk carton size. If you’re gonna keep candy around the house though, Whoppers serve our purposes nicely. You can make milkshakes with them! You can even make nice boozy milkshakes with them and Bailey’s. Or if you don’t have a blender you can just have Bailey’s and malty balls for dinner. Yay adulthood.

4. Zagnut. Zagnut isn’t the best candy bar in the world. It’s all coconut and molasses and junk. Not even close to a Snickers or a Milky Way. The thing about Zagnut though is that when you offer it to a kid, they get this look on their face. Just for an instant, they can’t hide it. They look at you and think What the fuck is this??? It’s a Zagnut, kid. If you don’t want it give it back. Priceless.

3. Heath Bars Heath Bars are pretty great all by themselves, but even better with ice cream. Double chocolate, French vanilla, coffee, caramel, pretty much whatever you’ve got. They also go well with a variety of booze. The aforementioned Bailey’s, port wine and cognac are all excellent choices.

2. Almond Joy As far as candy bars go, Almond Joy is pretty sexy. It’s exotic. Think about it: that coconut probably came from Hawaii or South America or someplace. The almonds might be from Italy. Who knows? Plus it’s dark chocolate. None of that milk chocolate junk. Eating fruit and nuts you can almost convince yourself that it’s a square meal and not junkfood. Especially if you eat them with a bottle of cabernet.

1. Candy Corn Ok. It ain’t that great. You might even think it’s gross. But while you’re out at the store picking up all this other stuff, grab a sack of corn for the kids. Keep the good stuff for yourself.

Occupy Baltimore Turns into Pumpkins: Our Bi-Weekly Political Roundup

Posted on October 26, 2011 by The Chop

Well, we’re about 12 hours late with the blog post today. That’s because our Comcast internet shit the bed for no apparent reason, along with the cable TV. So a very special fuck you to Comcast, who now owes us one pro-rated day back on our bill this month.

Today is the fourth Wednesday, which means that Baltimore’s Chapter of Drinking Liberally is due to meet as usual, although tonight’s meeting is anything but the usual. Instead of meeting up at Liam Flynn’s Ale House, the group is making its way to McKeldin Square in solidarity with the Occupy Baltimore Movement.

Baltimore's Drinking Liberally meets at Pratt Street Ale House tonight. 7 pm.

If you’re interested, here’s a copy of an email sent out by one of the group’s hosts this afternoon:

“Hey guys!

In a last minute addition to tonight’s very special Drinking Liberally goes to Occupy Baltimore (8pm in McKeldin Square at the corner of Light St and Pratt) we will also be grabbing a beer at the Pratt St Alehouse (206 W Pratt St).

Come down at 7pm — PS and I will be there with “Drinking Liberally supports Occupy Baltimore” signs. We’ll share a beer before walking / marching a couple blocks down to the occupation at 8. We hope to see you either at Pratt St Alehouse at 7 or Occupy Baltimore at 8!

Please pass this on to any one who might want to come — since this is such late notice we’re relying on you all to get the word out!

In solidarity,”

It’s just dumb luck that the time of the meeting happens to fall only a few hours before the city’s stated deadline of a midnight eviction of all but 2 protesters. The city hasn’t specifically threatened eviction, mind you, that’s just our guess, but from what we’ve seen on the Occupy Baltimore Website, the Baltimore Brew, and in The Sun, we think it’s a pretty good bet. Come midnight, Occupy Baltimore might all turn into pumpkins. #OccupyPumpkinPatch

This deadline also falls only a day after the shameful cases of teargassing and police brutality at Occupy Oakland and a raid and mass arrests at Occupy Atlanta. We doubt that Baltimore will see that kind of high drama, but anything is possible. The general assembly meeting alone is bound to be the kid of shitstorm we’d rather stay away from.

So if you go, don’t look for the Chop. We’ll be sitting out this week’s DL. Much as we’re in sympathy with the Occupy participants, it’s just that: sympathy. We’re not in the mood to spend the night in jail.

The Chop Suffers Donor Fatigue

Posted on October 25, 2011 by The Chop

So, at the moment we’re basically an unemployed schmo who sits around watching TV and fiddling with the internet all day. We’re not very rich and we’re not very important. You wouldn’t know it judging by what we see on a ~~daily~~ hourly basis though. Lately, flipping on the television or logging into Gmail has made us feel more like a full time philanthropist than a stay-at-home bum.

Just as the consumerism of Christmas seems to start just a little earlier every year, so too do the appeals for donations to worthy causes and campaigns to keep on raising awareness (…which have no ceiling. You can always be more aware can’t you?). As much as we tire of Madison Avenue asking us to continually show people how much we love them by buying them stuff, we also tire of the giverazzi continually asking us to prove our humanitarianism by constantly asking us to give things away.

A visual approximation of the Chop during Fall and Winter.

It’s October, which means it’s like breast cancer awareness month or something. Or should we say the other breast cancer awareness month since May and Mothers’ Day have also been taken over by women’s health issues. Don’t get us wrong. We’re not insensitive to cancer. The Chop’s own grandmother died of cancer this very week, Wednesday 10/19. All the same, we don’t need to have our awareness raised every half inning of the World Series or every time we want to get a meal from a restaurant or supermarket. Of course, the end of the month is no respite now that men are in on the act too, growing mustaches and claiming their own month of awareness in November.

It’s not just cancer season though. That’s only the tip of the iceberg. It’s also running season, and as if the Baltimore Marathon weren’t enough of a hassle, there’s a new 5k or 10k or fun run or whatever every weekend now. We don’t know much about running. We stay out of its way and hopefully it stays out of ours. For some reason though, you can’t just run for the sake of running. You have to run for some cause or another, which means bugging people to sponsor your running.

You can even run with your pet. In fact, you can do just about everything and anything with your pet to raise funds for BARCS, which seems to be in a constant cycle of fundraising and event promotion with one event being promoted the very day after its previous event actually happens.

All this running is at least friendly to your waistline, which is good because you’re about to put away several boxes of Girl Scout cookies and school-kid candy bars, as well as attend any number of “dine out for….” events and charitable happy hours.

It’s pledge-drive season too, as you already know if you’ve consumed any public media at all in the last week. We’re not sure why they still call it “pledging” in the age of debit cards and instant payments, but we suppose it still works for them. NPR Is also one of many organizations along with the Kidney People, the Blind People and the Kars for Kids People who are more than happy to give you a tax break for your old car. When we ditched our car though, we went for cold hard cash at the scrapyard.

This year, Fall also signals the start of one of our favorite seasons, the political season. Unfortunately it’s also the season of politicians begging for our money. With it being a city-primary election year, a handful of candidates have been looking for our money all Summer long, and now the president and the DNC have picked up right where Otis Rolley and Catherine Pugh left off. And that’s not to mention Planned Parenthood, Moveon.org, and the Occupy Movement asking us for donations as well.

All of the above is just what takes place before the holiday season rolls around and all the usual suspects start making their feed the hungry and year-end donation pitches. And of course, it assumes no more earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear emergencies, floods, or tornadoes.

We don’t mean to alienate anyone here or to single out any one entity or cause. We understand that fundraising is hard and necessary and an ongoing fact of life- and we feel like a real bastard for admitting all this publicly. We even give people money sometimes. We’re just tired of being gently reminded, almost constantly.