Anonymity: an Undervalued Commodity

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An interesting incident occurred earlier this week.

The Chop went to dinner in a certain North Baltimore establishment. It’s a small place, but it does a good trade and is usually more full than empty. As soon as we walked in though, we were greeted like old personal friends.

More than that, we were recognized and greeted like old friends. Both the bartender and the host recognized our party immediately from our first visit a week ago. Here’s the thing though: That first visit was just for a quick drink. And when we say quick drink, we mean a really quick drink. We ordered one round, didn’t finish our drinks, and didn’t even get the check, just left a twenty on the bar. We didn’t say anything to anyone and were in and out in ten minutes.

Here Comes a Regular. Paul Westerberg knew exactly what we're talking about here.

Don’t get us wrong… it’s great to go anywhere and be treated well. We thought the service at dinner (and the meal) was above and beyond, and we could definitely see ourselves becoming an actual regular over time. It did get us thinking though.

As nice as it is to get known as a regular someplace, it can be just as nice to be completely unknown. (Yes, we are well aware that we say this as an anonymous blogger.) Just as there are perks to regularity, there are also perks to anonymity. It’s nice to be able to order something out-of-character. It’s nice to not be dragged into conversation if you’re not in a mood to converse. It’s nice to leave a tip based solely on the merit of service and not because you know the bartender personally.

With the Baltimore bar scene consisting of what basically amounts to a few small towns (neighborhoods) in close proximity to one another, and the hospitality industry being somewhat insular, you can get known or recognized almost anywhere relatively quickly, but a place with a bartender who will forget you every time and a crowd who’s not all the usual suspects is worth its weight in Goldschlager.

We Say Fuck a Lot: Our Bi-Weekly Political Roundup

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Are you ready Baltimore? Are you ready for outdoor dining weather? The glory of al fresco dining (and drinking) is upon us in all its splendor. This time two weeks ago the Baltimore Chapter of Drinking Liberally took over most of the Patio at Joe Squared and kept the pitchers and political discourse flowing all night. If you weren’t there, you missed out. The good news is that if you did miss out, new faces are always welcome at tonight’s meeting at 7 pm.

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Are you ready now, Baltimore, for some of the most brilliant and insightful political commentary since Alexis de Tocqueville? Sike! This space is rapidly turning into a place where we just say fuck a lot and call people racists, and you know what? We’re okay with that. There’s still a lot of fucking racism in America, and a lot of it comes straight from the halls of power, and it’s not going away until it’s called out and confronted in a much larger forum than this insignificant blog.

There’s plenty of racism down in South Carolina, and sex appeal and good ol’ boys and Sarah Palin and everything else. Yawn. That shit’s so 2008. Frankly all the primaries that happened yesterday were pretty boring, despite the sex scandals in SC, the trading chickens for healthcare in NV, and the multi-millionaire vs. multi-millionaire battle in CA. Although we would have liked to see Blanche Lincoln get her ass handed to her for being a twat about healthcare reform.

We’re starting to see some fundraisers for oil cleanup pop up here and there. It feels strange to say, but we’re against them. The oil cleanup should not depend at all on the generosity of ordinary people or non-profits. This is not our oil that spilled and we didn’t fucking spill it. It belongs to BP, they fucked up, and they should pay every fucking dime of cleanup costs. We don’t think we’re alone in saying that we’d like to see the leak stopped entirely, all the oil cleaned up, and then BP go the way of Lehman Brothers and AIG.

BP should not fucking exist anymore on this earth.

Call it Socialism, but we won’t be satisfied until the Obama administration freezes and seizes the entirety of their assets. They love us about as much as Al Qaida does, and they’ve fucked us just as much, if not more.

Finally, if there’s one difference between Republicans and Democrats in this country, it seems to be that the GOP will stand up and try to defend, justify, or casually pass off racism, sex scandals, embezzlement or any number of other atrocious actions while the Democrats will gleefully throw anybody under the bus at the slightest provocation.

The Chop would like to personally take this opportunity to throw old crone Helen Thomas under the bus. Previously we had nothing but the highest respect for her, but her recent comments on Israel put her batshit-craziness right up there with William Donald Schaefer. She can pretty much die and go to hell any time now. On the other hand, it is kind of cool to be around for so long that you can say “Fuck it. I’m tired of hanging out with the president. Screw you all, I fucking quit. Effective immediately.” The Chop should be so lucky someday.

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Drinking Liberally meets the second and fourth Wednesday of every month at 7 pm. Joe Squared is located at 133 w. North Ave. All the above opinions are that of the Baltimore Chop Blog, and not of Drinking Liberally, it’s Baltimore Chapter, Chapter members or Joe Squared.

The Best Midnight Snacks After a Night Out Drinking

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We know you like to eat, Baltimore. We know you like to eat well, too. You’re all about your farmers’ markets and your new restaurants and your local, sustainable, seasonal ingredients and everything else.

We like to eat as much as the next armchair gourmet, but even more than that, we like to drink. A sub-par meal can always be salvaged by a stiff Rusty Nail beforehand, a bottle of Boordy Rockfish during, and a generous pour of Cognac afterward.

Of course sometimes when we’re out on the town, we have such a good dinner that we forget to actually order any food. When we stumble home at 2:15 am and realize that our kitchen is not air-conditioned and that brown rice and whole vegetables often require a lot of time-consuming and messy work over a hot stove, our palate becomes a lot less sophisticated real quick.

Still though, eating Captain Crunch by hand right out of the box or smothering questionable leftovers with ketchup is a low to which we cannot stoop. After a long night of boozing it is necessary to walk that fine line between quality and convenience. It’s at dire times like these we’re glad that we make a point of always keeping on hand one of our top five favorite midnight snacks.

Morningstar Farms Burgers

At only about 2 minutes in the microwave, these things are already done before you can reach for the buns and plates. They come in several varieties (including vegan) and you can top them off about a thousand different ways. These might be our favorite food, period.

V8 Soups

A little pricier than your average can of soup, but well worth it. These things are good enough on their own, but once you throw in a handful of baby spinach and heat up a couple of slices of frozen cheesy garlic bread, you can easily pass off your booze blackout as a food coma.

Knorr-Lipton Pasta Pouches

These things also come in several flavors and usually cost less than $2 each. They boil up in under 10 minutes in one pan, which is just enough time to add your own frozen vegetables to the mix and have them end up just right.

Zatarain’s Black Beans and Rice

This product takes a little longer to cook up, but it won’t cost you any more effort. It’s a good choice if you’re making it home before last call, and you’ve also got plenty of choices on what to add to it or top it off with. As an added bonus, these boxes are just big enough to feed two people.

Noodle Bowl

Nowadays there’s a lot more to instant noodles that the old nickel packs of Top Ramen. Rice noodles cook almost instantly, and while a noodle bowl is not quite substantial enough to be a meal unto itself, you can pair it with any sort of microwaveable spring roll, or add some frozen potstickers for a quick and tasty nosh.

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The careful reader may have noticed that all of these choices are vegetarian friendly. The fact is that the Chop is a vegetarian, and we wouldn’t recommend anything we’re not eating ourselves. While after a long night’s drinking you may be more interested in Esskay franks or a bologna sandwich, we at least hope it goes to show that eating vegetarian is a lot easier than most people think, and even when you’re getting tipsy and microwaving, you’re still getting a better meal than what you find on most bar food menus.

Baltimore Bar Trivia Nights: Part 4

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Well, it’s finally happened. The Chop has officially run out of things to say about bar trivia. Fortunately for us, a trivia pro is stepping in to help. Today we’re happy to present you with a guest post written by Final Score Trivia MC Bruce Voge III. This will be the final installment in this series. For the last word on trivia, take it away Bruce…

My name is Bruce H. Voge III, and I have been a trivia MC for Final Score Maryland for nearly 2 years. This opening sounds a lot like the first of 12 steps, but it really is the easiest way to tell you who I am, and why I would be writing a guest spot for the Baltimore Chop. I started in this industry the same way you find a great S&M date, or a mediocre coffee table, on Craigslist. I had been in entertainment for years, and have always been fascinated with game shows (I even proposed to my future wife at the Price is Right). So once I realized there was such a job, the fit was very natural for me, and luckily Final Score Maryland felt the same way.

Not quite the Stanley Cup, but it'll do.

The Chop wanted me to talk a little bit about why I think pub trivia works, and what I think the future holds, as well as why I think each and every one of you should consider playing a live trivia game. I believe the answers are more or less tied together like Prince and Vanity 6 were most nights in 1986. Pub trivia works because if you are already going to get together with your friends at a bar to get food and drink, why not also be entertained? It’s really that simple. If two bars are more or less equal, would you rather go to the one that would provide entertainment and a shot to win some house cash, or the one that will let you stare at the same 11 screens of baseball? The choice seems pretty simple to me, you take the one with the entertainment. The choice also seems pretty simple to many other people in the area, and that is what makes Pub Trivia so attractive to bar owners and players, and most likely always will in some shape or form. The other great thing about trivia is that if you want to stare off and watch the 11 screens of baseball, go ahead, trivia is not going to stop you.

“Why would a group prefer trivia over a movie or bowling?”

The answer is quite simple; they won’t. Let me be honest with you, I have been in entertainment for nearly 11 years, and I have been emceeing trivia for nearly two years. I think I am very good at it, however I am no match for Iron Man 2. I cannot ask enough questions, or make enough quick jokes about the capability of a Wang computer to make up for a persons desire to see a well written story acted out by highly paid actors along side millions of dollars of complex visual effects. It’s almost like asking “Why would a group prefer trivia over talking about architecture or eating an apple?”

The only answer I might be able to come up with if you must compare, is that trivia nights will provide nearly everyone with a “High Five” moment. One persons astrophysics is another persons Sex and the City. It takes all types to do well at bar trivia, so your mother, father, brother, next door neighbor and spouse will find common ground in not believing that everyone else did not know the answer to that last question. Not all of them can throw a strike, or pick up an 8-10 split, but they all have some base of knowledge.

This is a lot of the appeal that many find in the game. Over the years I have met Jeopardy winners, Millionaire winners, rocket scientists, doctors, lawyers, college students, plumbers, craftsmen, marines and I have seen them all lose at least once to a couple of people that just came out to have a few beers, and just happen to answer some trivia questions.

So remember, the next time you have a group of friends, coworkers and family that might be fun to be around, but might be awkward to have to watch create subjects to talk about, bring them out to a Final Score Maryland game, you can check us out at www.finalscoremaryland.com.

If you want to check out my games, feel free to friend my personal trivia mascot Victory the Trivia Flamingo on Facebook. Finally, if you like my rambling style of writing check out my blog at bruceonthebackroads.com. It’s all about odd travel destinations, souvenirs, and things like smooshed pennies. Read the blog! Tell your friends! Click the Ads! Thanks for your time, and thanks for the space Chop.

No no, Bruce. Thank you. We’ll be sure to check out your game tonight at Manhattan Grill in White Marsh, although we’ll never admit that Iron Man 2 was particularly well written or interesting. If you, Gentle Reader, would like to check out one of Bruce’s six weekly games, you can find out where via the Victory Flamingo Page.

World Cup Style Tips

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Soccer is a lot like gin, swimming, and vegan recipes. It’s something we really like in theory, but frankly never pay any attention to at all.

Oh sure… we might happen to cook a vegan meal and drink a Negroni once in a great while, or even get into a pool above our knees; but in general we’re not much concerned with these things.

The same is true of soccer. We understand why people like it, and even have a few soccer jerseys in our closet. They make great souvenirs when you go overseas. Although we generally think grown men wearing jerseys have serious problems that extend beyond the realm of fashion, in this country we believe that a (ahem) football jersey or anything with a Premier League logo on it can be pulled off to good effect if done carefully.

Morrissey makes soccer shorts look sex as fuck. Don't try this at home.

As we know, the World Cup Begins on Friday, and runs a month until July 11. However, the onslaught of douchey bandwagoners officially begins today.

For the next 6 weeks or so, it is going to be impossible for the non-fan to wear anything even remotely soccer related without some half-drunk know-it-all dickhead haranguing you with stupid questions, repeating bullshit he read on the internet, and making you both look stupid.

If you’re an actual, true blue football fan, then by all means carry on. Enjoy the tournament and godspeed.

If, like us, you only like soccer in theory, then do as we do and wear nothing even remotely soccer related until at least a week after the World Cup ends.