Stop Doing Yoga In Public
Maybe it has to do with the coming of Spring and the warming of the weather lately. Maybe it has to do with us waking up earlier and actually leaving the house before happy hour once in a while. Maybe it’s just a natural rise in general douchebaggery. For whatever reason, we’ve seen way too many people doing yoga in the streets of Baltimore lately.
Don’t get us wrong, we’ve got no problem at all with yoga. This blog is decidedly pro-yoga. If you do yoga, hey, good for you. It promotes health and fitness and it can be a nice social activity and it sustains several small businesses and it’s fine and dandy… until you bring it into the street.
When you do yoga in public you look exactly like this. Yes, YOU.
Listen yoga people: when we see you downtown on the edge of the water standing on one foot welcoming the dawn and chanting mantras, it’s all we can do not to shove you into the harbor. It’s gauche. You look like an asshole. You are an asshole.
We’re serious here. Aside from being a fitness activity, yoga has a lot of religious and spiritual connotations associated with it, and when you flaunt that in such a public way you’re attempting to place yourself above everyone else around you. You’re no better than the end-of-days proselytizer in the busy intersection or the Mormons going door to door. There’s a reason people go to churches to pray. There’s a reason yoga is done in studios. How dare you wave your enlightenment in our faces? What about the rest of us? Haven’t we got the right to be unenlightened jerks? Of course we do. We’re Baltimoreans; it’s what we do best.
We understand why you do it. There are some beautiful views along the waterfront. Problem is, when we’re trying to devour a giant burrito at lunchtime or even just sit around and contemplate the world in our own secular, non-spiritual way, the rest of us are trying to enjoy those views too. It would be nice if we could do it without being distracted by your Lulu Lemons and your smug self-satisfaction.
It’s bad enough we’ve got showoff-y joggers in the way all the time. Keep the yoga in the studio.
Is this satire? I can’t tell.
It’s half satire. Sometimes you have to go a little overboard when you want to stretch a one-sentence idea into an entire blog post.
“keep yoga in the studio” is a pretty ridiculous statement. yoga wasn’t invented specifically for a “studio” environment. it’s a practice meant to be enjoyed wherever one is most comfortable practicing which means at home, in the studio, or yes, in a public park. GOD FORBID! the author of this post clearly has very little knowledge of the yoga philosophy. chill out. maybe do some yoga.
Well, yoga originated in a sex cult, so let’s not get too hung up on original intent.
Haha! I worked in city planning back in the 80′s. There was some consideration given to installing something like a chain thing around the harbor to prevent people from falling in. I think one of the arguments we came up with against doing that was that it would make it more difficult to push people doing yoga at the harbor’s edge into the water.
OK, I’m glad it’s “half satire.” Checking: Am I allowed to read by the water? As long as it’s secular and not too intellectually rigorous?
Of course, Steven. But don’t dumb it down too much. If I walk by and see a grown man and professional journalist reading the Hunger Games, well, that’s just embarrassing for both of us, isn’t it?
had to lmao!! Hubby just finished Hunger Games and went to buy the next book… it was in the Young Readers section… he was mortified. So you won’t see him there
May I recommend hopscotch as an alternative to yoga? It’s a lot of fun, more social, and makes it virtually impossible to be smug and self-serious.
Plus it’s a lot more fun to watch than some new age-y, spandex wearing douche dry humping thin air.
Yes, it must be so great to be perfect and know eveything…..Please don’t attempt a forward fold or you might break the stick up your butt. Just sayin. Namaste
Here’s the thing: tell me I have a stick up my ass… that’s fine. Cause I do. But don’t then say Namaste immediately afterwards. It’s just like when these damned Pentecostals answer everything with “Jesus loves you!” It’s annoying as hell.
Thank you for this, made my day. Quite hilarious, as are all the comments that followed it. I have a roommate that whenever people are gathered in the living room to watch a movie/tv or socialize, it’s apparently the perfect time for him to come and do yoga in the middle of it all. I truly don’t understand the mentality of yoga people…maybe they’re one of the original forms of attention whores before facebook was invented?
ok, i was wondering why the yoga thing would bother anyone very much until yoga in the party was mentioned. i think i would be more entertained than bothered, but that got me to thinking about what DOES bother me which is when someone views any invitation as an invitation for them and their dog. i’m not especially comfortable having your dog wander around my party even if it is in my back yard. but however, the dog is unlikely to do yoga, even if it knocks over my drink.