Pigment Opening @ Gallery 788 Tonight

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April Fool’s Day. Another one of our least favorite holidays. Fair warning: if anyone tries to play a joke on the Chop, we’re going to start punching cocks. It will be your own fault if your cock gets punched.

Don’t get us wrong. We love jokes. We even love jokes on us any other day of the year. But this April Fool’s shite is kind of like the Tooth Fairy… you should have outgrown it by the time you hit middle school.

So we’re going to give it to you straight… there’s not much doing tonight. Fortunately, Gutter Daily tipped us off to this tattoo themed group show opening at Gallery 788. Shit is no joke.

<i>Pigment</i> show opens tonight at Galley 788. 6-10 pm.

It’s been a while since we’ve seen any tattoo themed art, and it’s been even longer since we had anything to do with Pigtown. Washington Village might as well be over the Berlin Wall, as far as we can tell. In fact, it’s doubtful we’ve been there socially since the days of the Virgin House. Which was a long, long, long time ago.

The Chop actually did consider Pigtown when we were house-hunting last Summer. It’s an up-and-coming, artsy neighborhood, you know. Problem is, when we put our boots on the ground, we saw mostly all the same junkies and alcoholics hanging on the corners that we remembered from 15 years ago. It’s one of those spots that’s always up-and-coming but never actually coming up.

We wish all the best to 788 though, and we’re excited to see what’s up. If they keep curating and installing stuff like this, maybe they can finally tempt the rest of us over the Berlin Wall once in a while.

Lucero, Desert Boys @ Sonar Tonight

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So what kind of music do you listen to? Oh, you know… I like everything. Except Country. So you like alt-country? Ummm? What?

Yes. The correct answer to that question is a resounding yes. Not ‘what?’. Not no. Not a semantic discussion of what ‘alt-country’ means… just yes.

The Chop likes us some sonofabitchin’ alt-country, and we’re about to show you how much down to Sonar tonight when we go holler at Lucero.

Lucero plays Sonar tonight. 8 pm.

The first thing any self-respecting alt-country artist will tell you is, of course, that they are not ‘alt-country’. Like emo and alternative rock before it, those who invented it are the quickest to disown the label. You’ve got to call it something though. It needs a name to set it above the flood of crap that passes for commercial country music. Call it honky-tonk. Call it Midwestern roots rock. Call it down home. Whatever you call it, acts like Drag the River, Tim Barry and Drive-By Truckers are making phenomenal records with the momentum of a bona fide movement. Even Barack Obama loves Wilco.

Lucero is at the forefront of that movement. The Chop has had the great good fortune to see them several times before, and we can personally attest to the fact that they are possibly the hardest working, hardest drinking band in the country. We’re talking about a band who spends 200-250 days a year touring, and makes damn sure every show is a full-on 2 hour extravaganza. That’s 2 hours of stage time. It doesn’t include drinking with fans, glad-handing, and impromptu acoustic or a capella sets in the parking lot- all of which are cornerstones of the Lucero experience.

Tonight’s show marks the first time they’re bringing a full horn section on the road with them, which should be an interesting addition to say the least. They’re also bringing fellow Tennesseans Glossary who, at their best, sound like a country-fied Billy Joel. (We mean that in a good way. Billy Joel was cool like 30 years ago.)

We’re also really anxious to check out the Desert Boys, who are actually not from the desert at all, but are Charm City locals of long standing.

The Desert Boys support Lucero @ Sonar tonight.

You’ll recognize Ryan Shelkett from Blank and Cross My Heart, as well as from Liars’ Academy with fellow DB Matt Smith, who also played guitar in Strike Anywhere. There’s a couple of members of Squaaks. in that photo too. Shelkett ain’t never done no wrong in our opinion, so if he wants to start writing alt-country songs, we have every confidence they’re going to be some of the better alt-country songs you’ve ever heard. Especially if they’re produced by Brian McTernan.

Doors open up at 8. Show up on time, cause these guys have sold out bigger rooms than this.

Why You Will Never Find The Chop on Foursquare

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You would think it would be a natural fit, right? Foursquare lets you know where everyone is and what they’re doing. That’s also the sole purpose of this blog, to talk about the things we do and the places we go every night. But alas, you will not find the Chop on Foursquare any time soon. Instead of complementary, we think it’s more redundant than anything.

That’s not just naysaying. It does seem like sort of a fun game, and as someone who knows Baltimore inside out and has all day free, the Chop could easily check in anywhere at will and be number one in this city. But will that get us paid or get us laid? No. No it will not.

After constant check-ins posted automatically to Facebook and Twitter, we’re all too eager to declare 4sq post-peak and bury it in the mass-grave of internet fads. Unfortunately though, it seems like the cool kids are just getting started. For fuck’s sake.

I'm safe at home. (Ebbet's Field. 55 Sullivan Pl. Brooklyn.)

We’re not going to sit here and gripe about the good old days and the loss of privacy and et cetera. We’re actually very interested in the integration of online and offline life (I mean, when was the last time you had a face to face conversation that didn’t somehow reference the internet?) but we don’t think Foursquare, or any of its competitors are the way forward.

For one… You’re not that interesting. Sorry, Gentle Reader, but it’s true. We wish more than anyone that cool shit was going on all the time, but it’s just not. Yet you’re still compelled to act as though it were, cause you want that badge.

The game is going to get old. Sooner or later, it will. Even the best of games, like Tetris or Scrabble can wear thin with too many plays. Foursquare isn’t half as good as those games. It’s more like Farmville, or any other crappy facebook app. You collect points and badges in what ultimately amounts to a circular, pointless samsara until one day you drop it like a crazy ex.

But the real thing that bugs us about Foursquare is that it’s self-defeating. Social media is supposed to be social. From what we can tell so far, scores of people are checking in from the same places, but none of them are actually taking the time to introduce themselves to one another. It seems to be mostly competing with (and socializing with) the people you came with, or being alone and burying your face in your smartphone. You don’t need a website for that.

It’s all well and good when the site is full of hip kids and early adopters, but watch out. Everyone from the great-and-powerful Google to your humble little neighborhood cafe owner is now asking themselves the same question about Foursquare, and it’s a question that’s ruined plenty of formerly fun websites before…

So, how can we monetize this?

Don’t say you weren’t warned. Since joining Twitter with this blog, we’re shocked at how many non-people are on there. It seems fully half of all users are entities other than people. And we’re surprised at how efficient some spammers are at finding out what you tweet about. Just yesterday we tweeted about that dude Antonio on HGTV. We didn’t even mention him by name, but the next day he was following us. Same thing has happened with tweets casually mentioning cigars and cufflinks (without #tags). All of a sudden, a new follower wants to sell us cigars or cufflinks. In the coming year, Foursquare is going to function much the same way, with businesses vying to get you in and spend more money. “Special deals for checked-in customers.” Sort of like this, from yesterday.

You won’t even know what hit you.

Darkest Hour, Dillinger Escape Plan @ Ottobar Tonight

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Yep. We did crap out yesterday. Watched cartoons and did laundry and built bookshelves. A typical Sunday, we suppose. And its a good thing too, cause now we’re all rested up and ready to have our ears exploded.

That’s right kids… back to the Ottobar tonight for Darkest Hour and Dillinger Escape Plan.

D.E.P. & Darkest Hour play the Ottobar tonight. 7 pm Doors.

The Chop doesn’t usually go for metal. In fact, we’ve gone on record plenty of times as saying that Anthrax is the only metal band that matters, and while we stand by that, we still heartily recommend this show.

DC’s Darkest Hour has always been one of those bands that plays fast enough and melodically enough to attract metalheads and hardcore kids in equal numbers. They must be a hardcore band, cause they were on Victory. They must be a metal band, cause they have a song in Guitar Hero 5. Every time we’ve seen them in the past it hasn’t mattered much. They’ve delivered sets that almost force you to rock out like Beavis on Dust-Off.

Dillinger Escape Plan is the perfect second head to this hydra. Where Darkest Hour fits in hardcore influences, DEP alloys it’s metal with a mathy post-hardcore style. Both of these bands have developed fiercely loyal cult followings since the mid 90’s, and by the time they’re done, both will have carved out an important and permanent place in the history of American Metal.

Advance tickets for the show tonight are $18. If you’re a fan of both these bands, that should seem like a bargain. If you’re more of a casual fan, it is a bit pricey, but at the very least you can offset the cost with Metal Monday at the upstairs bar. Every Monday is $9 all you can drink rail and select beers. Last time we were there, the metal wasn’t too loud, and the select beers included Sam Adams, which can easily be $4.50 each at other places.

Also participating in tonight’s you got metal in my peanut butter festivities are Louisiana’s iwrestledabearonce and the very Orwellian named Animals as Leaders. Doors at 7, show at 7:30. You can even go to work on time on Tuesday morning.

The Chop vs. Ikea

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Okay. We admit it. This is a half-assed post. No links or brilliant commentary today.

We’re busy as hell this weekend and don’t have time for a proper post. In fact, we’re so busy we don’t even know what we’re up to today.

We might go to the Senator Theater to catch a free screening of Michael Moore’s Capitalism: A Love Story at 1pm. But probably not since we’ve already seen it.

We might go to Ottobar for Jello Biafra’s new project, but probably not, because it’s not DK and never will be.

We might even go to the Metro Gallery for the Victoria Vox CD release show. But maybe not.

You know what they say about guys with big bookshelves...

What we’ll probably do is stay at home and open a bottle of wine and attempt to assemble this monster, the Expedit 5 x 5 which is the centerpiece of the Chop’s new home office. We’ve already knocked together two of the smaller ones this week, but this is the big leagues right here.